A to Z Blogging..."G" is for...

...Guilt 
From "Lifehacks for Christian Moms"
By Shelly Burke, RN, Author, and Publisher of the "Nebraska Family Times" 

Mommy guilt. All the moms I know, including myself, have suffered from mommy guilt at one time or another (usually many times...sometimes many times daily). Moms have the ability to conjure up guilt about almost anything--what the kids ate today...and what they didn't eat. What they said, or what they didn't say, and how they said it...or didn't say it. If they hid in the bathroom (or closet) for just a few minutes of "alone time". The books the kids read...or the fact that they only read the cereal box. Did you save every single piece of artwork? 

Moms of older kids experience guilt too! Did we teach them enough...or did we expect too much? Was every birthday and holiday Pintrest-worthy?  Will not enrolling them in Advanced Haiku Writing or Baby Babbling classes hurt their chances of getting into college? Do all of the meals you cook contain at least one serving from each food group, no sugar, no processed foods, and at least one child's favorite food? 

The "experts" can be more "expert" at inducing more guilt, not relieving it OR even helping us be better moms. Our kids are supposed to "eat more vegetables" and "watch less TV" (I think the recommendations now are less than 8 seconds of TV a day). We're supposed to "plan stimulating activities" and "teach them to live in the real world...but not too quickly". Are you a "mean mom"? 

At the least, guilty feelings give us an uncomfortable twinge or the

nagging feeling that you "should" be doing more or something else. At their worst, feelings of guilt can cause undue anxiety and even the inability to make a decisions due to fear of making the wrong one. As these guilt-inducers build up you might feel as David did when he wrote, "My guilt has overwhelmed me like a burden too heavy to bear." (Psalm 38:4)

How can you deal with these usually unproductive feelings of guilt?

• First, determine whether you're feeling "good" guilt--the kind that is an appropriate action to something inappropriate you did--maybe blaming a child for something you later find he didn't do. "Good" guilt can motivate you to change your behavior for the better. For example, if you can't remember the last time your kids played outside (putting in a DVD is easier) or you can't remember the last time you actually sat down and talked to your teenager (it's easier not to deal with the moodiness and sullenness), or the last time you went to church was...well, you can't even remember (due to any number of excuses), the guilty feelings are a sign that something in your life should change.
• If you are feeling guilty for something you were in the wrong for, ask God for forgiveness and remember that when you are truly repentant, He always forgives, through His grace and the death of His Son. Ephesians 1:7 reassures us that "In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our sins, according to the riches of His grace, which He lavished upon us." 
• Guilty feelings are not all bad--they are a reminder not to repeat the action. Acknowledge your guilt, rethink your priorities, and make goals and plans for changes. 
• Remember that some potentially guilt-producing feelings are beyond your control. You can't protect your child from every single owie or not-so-nice remark a classmate makes. Sometimes a family is broken by divorce due to another person's choices. Do the best you can to protect your child from injury, comfort him when his feelings are hurt, and deal with feelings about unavoidable events. 
• One thing I've realized as my kids got to be older teenagers and are now into their early 20's is that they are responsible for the choices them make, good and bad. I can offer advice and prayers, but they are going to make their own choices--and when they make the not-so-good decisions, it is not a reflection on me and not a reason to feel guilt. Of course I will continue to pray for them and offer advice (if it's an important issue, I gently offer advice even when I'm not asked--and then back off!), but I need not feel guilty for their decisions and choices.
• Ask yourself if your guilt is a result of unrealistic expectations.
  
  If you expect your house to be perfectly clean every day, or decide that every meal will be homemade, delicious and adhere to the recommended daily allowance of all vitamins and minerals, as well as appeal to all family members, you are probably expecting too much of yourself. Look at your life objectively and see if you are expecting too much of yourself. Pray for God to guide you and show you what you should be doing. 

What are your hints for dealing with guilt? 

----------------------------

This post is an excerpt from the book 

“Home is Where the Mom Is; A Christian Mom’s Guide to Caring for Herself, Her Family and Her Home” by Shelly Burke. 

This post is part of “Lifehacks for Christian Moms”, 

available for download May 1^st.

I’m also blogging the A to Z Challenge at The Nebraska Family Times, with the theme, “Words Matter.” 

A to Z Blogging...F is for...

...Fifty-Five things that take Only Five Minutes
From "Lifehacks for Christian Moms"
By Shelly Burke, RN, Author, and Publisher, "Nebraska Family Times"

 Your toddlers are totally engrossed in the last few minutes of their favorite TV show. Or you're waiting for your kids to find their library books and backpacks so you can take them to school. Or your husband is finishing a phone call before you leave for an evening out. Or you're all ready to go but your walking partner isn't due for a few minutes.


Rather than check Facebook or wander around aimlessly thinking "I should be doing something", put that time to use! You'll be amazed at what you can accomplish in just five minutes. (Disclaimer: None of the photographs are from my home...but they inspire me and I hope they inspire you too!)

In your bedroom:

1. Organize one dresser drawer.
2. Straighten your shoes.
3. Sort the stuff on your bedside table.
4. Give your husband a long hug and big kiss.

In the kitchen:

1. Clear out the dishwasher.
2. Discard the oldest, most unidentifiable, and/or scariest leftovers from the refrigerator. 
3. Go through the cupboards and make your grocery list.

   

   From Google Images...although I've had all
   of these things in my refrigerator...

4. Start your meal plan for next week. 
5. Straighten one cupboard or drawer.
6. If you're waiting while cooking, brown an extra pound of hamburger, or chop an extra onion to prepare for a meal later in the week.

In the bathroom:

1. Fold a load of towels.
2. Toss your old toothbrushes and get out new ones.
3. Clean off the counter.
4. Clean the mirror. 
5. Chock your supply of toilet paper, soap and other "bathroom" items and add them to your list if necessary.

In the car:

1. Sort through the glove compartment. 

   

   From Google Images...not my
   glove compartment!

2. Close your eyes and daydream.
3. Read a magazine article.
4. File your fingernails.
5. Do an isometric exercise, like tensing and relaxing your abs or biceps. 
6. Pick up all the sippy cups, tissues, animal crackers, water bottles, and scraps of paper in the back seat.

While you're talking on the phone:

1. Set the table. 
2. Sort laundry.
3. Lotion your legs.
4. Iron.
5. Sit with your feet up. 

   

   Google Images...but I wish my cupboards
   looked like this!
   

Before bed:

1. Get out the clothes you'll wear tomorrow. 
2. Put dishes in the dishwasher.
3. Wipe down the counters and cupboard doors.
4. Get the first load of clothes ready to wash.
5. Talk, really talk, to your husband.
6. Read a short devotion or a chapter of Proverbs.

In the living room:

1. Straighten the DVDs. 
2. Turn over and fluff the couch cushions.

   

   From Google Images

3. Water the plants.
4. Pick up everything off the floor so it's easier to vacuum.
5. Play a game of Chinese Checkers. 

At your desk:

1. Write a thank-you card or encouraging note, or get a birthday card ready to send. 
2. Look at your birthday and anniversary list for the next few months and check your supply of cards. 
3. Jot down ideas for your next project. 
4. Check your supply of stamps, paper clips, pens, envelopes, etc. 

Throughout the house (or a few rooms):

1. Empty all the wastebaskets.
2. Pick up all the stray coats, shoes, socks, etc. 

   

   From Google Images...this inspires me!

3. Collect all of the glasses, soda cans and dishes.
4. Spray air freshener in every room. Have a tickle fight!
5. Call a friend to say "I am thinking of and praying for you!"

For your health:

1. Jump rope. 
2. Learn to take your pulse.
3. Walk around the block, or up and down the steps in your home. 
4. Stretch.
5. Eat a piece of fruit.

With the kids:

1. Ask them about their day.
2. Say a prayer together.
3. Play tag.
4. Hug! 

What is your favorite thing to do in just five minutes?

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This post is an excerpt from the book “Home is Where the Mom Is; A Christian Mom’s Guide to Caring for Herself, Her Family and Her Home” by Shelly Burke. This post is part of “Lifehacks for Christian Moms”, available for download May 1^st.

I’m also blogging the A to Z Challenge at 

Nebraska Family Times, with the theme, 

“Words Matter.” 

A to Z Blogging "E is for..."

...Every Day...Making God Part Of 
From the series "Lifehacks for Christian Moms" 
By Shelly Burke, RN, Author, and Publisher, Nebraska Family Times

 Developing a relationship with God is much more than just attending church and saying a prayer before meals or at bedtime. The prophet Isaiah promises, "The Lord will keep in perfect peace all those...whose thoughts turn often to the Lord." (Isaiah 26:3) 


Keep your thoughts turned to the Lord by:

• Volunteering at church. Join the choir. Teach Sunday School. Organize a fund-raiser. Help with Vacation Bible School. Help decorate for Christmas. Give rides to church to shut-ins. Deliver meals on Wheels. There are opportunities that fit anyone's schedule and skills! 
• Joining a church group. MOPS (Mothers of Pre-Schoolers), ladies organizations, Bible Study, altar guild. 
• Spending time in personal Bible Study and devotions. Ask the Lord to make you desire to spend time with Him. Check out different versions of the Bible and find one that you enjoy

  

  (From Google Images)

  reading (ask your pastor what recommendations he or she recommends.) Ask your pastor or friends for recommendations for devotion or Bible study books; be discerning as many very popular speakers and authors may contradict the beliefs of your denomination. 
• Listening to Christian music. We've all had ear worms--when the words of a song are "stuck" on repeat in your head. Wouldn't you rather have positive words going through your mind? You'll be surprised at how much more positive your attitude is when you listen to positive music. 
• Starting your day by saying, "This is the day that the Lord has made! We will rejoice and be glad in it!"
• Beginning your day with at least a few minutes of prayer. I always ask God to protect my kids and loved ones, and to work through me to bless others. 
• Starting a Gratitude Journal. List five things God has blessed you with every day. Consider making this a family project; family members can share blessings at the supper table.  
• Being conscious about God's hand in your life every day; in a beautiful sunrise, protection from a traffic accident, a regular job, food on the table, a working vehicle, modern appliances, loving family, the ability to worship freely...count your blessings! 
• Making a point of saying you are "blessed" rather than "lucky". 
• Ending the day in prayer and thanksgiving. Think back to all of the ways God has blessed you. 
• Writing out your favorite Bible verses and post them around your house--on your bathroom mirror, computer, refrigerator,

  

  (Google Images)

  even on the dashboard of your vehicle. A few suggestions: "Rejoice always...in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Jesus Christ." (1 Thessalonians 5:16-17) "Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ". (Ephesians 5:19-20). 

How do you make God an integral part of your day?

--------------------------------------

This post is an excerpt from the book 

“Home is Where the Mom Is; A Christian Mom’s Guide to Caring for Herself, Her Family and Her Home” by Shelly Burke. 

This post is part of “Lifehacks for Christian Moms”, available for download May 1^st.

I’m also blogging the A to Z Challenge at Nebraska Family Times, with the theme, 

“Words Matter.” 

A to Z Blogging Challenge "D is for..."

...Decisions; Making Good Ones
From "Lifehacks for Christian Moms"
by Shelly Burke, RN, Author, and Editor, Nebraska Family Times

Moms face a multitude of decisions every day; some are minor (short sleeves or long sleeves?) and some are major (how should I teach my kids about sex?). There are many "experts", in the form of TV shows, friends, family, acquaintances, and sometimes strangers, specialists, books, magazines, radio talk shows...and there are as many opinions as there are experts on breast vs. bottle feeding, choosing a doctor, potty training, when to start school (private, parochial, public or homeschool?), whether or not kids need a cell phone (flip phone, regular or smart phone?) and when, how much TV is allowed, at what age dating is allowed, after-high-school plans (military, college or work?), and so on and so on and so on. With the multitude of advice, much of it based on distinctly non-Christian worldly values, it's no wonder it can be difficult to make decisions! 

Here are some steps that will help you in almost any decision you'll face. 

1. Gather information. You'll probably make your decisions based on several factors. Consider the Bible and your faith, your personal opinion and your spouse's, and what has worked for you in the past. Refer to one or two (preferably Christian) parenting books, talk with friends who share your values and pray about the situation. Don't forget to listen to your maternal instinct. After you've gathered the information you need, you can decide what's best for you and your family. Remember: very few decisions are absolutely right or wrong. 

2.  Carry out your decision. Once you and your spouse have made a decision, carry it out. Your kids not reverse a decision based on what your kids say, what your kids' friends say, what your kids' friends parents say, what your parents say, or what another "expert" says. 

probably won't like all of your decisions, but expect them to abide by those decisions. Stick to your decision unless you have a good reason to change it; do

3.  Re-evaluating your decision. If the new rule/routine isn't working after you've given it an honest effort, you decide it's the wrong decision for your family, or a respected expert expert recommends a different solution or way of dealing with a problem, you might consider changing your decision. 

A few more things to consider (or not consider): 

• What "everyone else" says. If anyone questions or criticizes your decision, simply say, "This is what works for our family," or "This is what we've decided to do" , or, "Everyone has their own solution, and we're confident about this one." Don't get caught up in a debate; you don't have to justify your decisions. 
• Have confidence in yourself. One of the most important things you can do for your kids is to have the confidence to assure their safety and teach them to be productive members of society, regardless of pressures from your kids, other kids, other kids' parents, or your fears that "the kids will be mad." 
• Practice enforcing your decisions when your kids are little. When they're young, you can back up your decisions with action, carrying a child away from a situation in which he's misbehaving, for example, or not driving them to a friend's house if you don't want your child to spend time in a dysfunctional environment. As they grow, your children will realize that you do mean what you say; while that is no guarantee that they'll always be happy with your decisions, they'll be more likely to respect what your decisions are. 

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This post is an excerpt from the book “Home is Where the Mom Is; A Christian Mom’s Guide to Caring for Herself, Her Family and Her Home” by Shelly Burke. 

This post is part of “Lifehacks for Christian Moms”, available for download May 1^st.

I’m also blogging the A to Z Challenge at 

Nebraska Family Times, with the theme, "Words Matter". 

A to Z Blogging Challenge "C is for..."

...Church...Taking Your Kids
By Shelly Burke, RN, Author, and Publisher Nebraska Family Times

Our primary job as parents is to help them to know God. Jesus clearly wants children to hear His word; in Matthew 19:14  He tells His disciples, "Let the little children come to Me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven." His love for children is further evident when He says, "Truly I say unto you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven...whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea."

One of the primary ways to introduce children to faith is by taking them to church. Make a commitment to take your children to church every week, beginning when they are babies. When they grow up seeing you make worship and going to church a priority, the routine and importance of regular worship will be ingrained in their lives. Taking kids to church is not easy; when they're young the struggle may be getting them to sit still and behave appropriately. As kids get older, church competes with other activities and sometimes a negative attitude towards attending church. 

Try these "real life" tips when you attend church with your children. 

When they are babies and toddlers: 

• come prepared with quiet toys and snacks, to be used when your child is no longer interested in sitting quietly. 
• fold their hands into yours and cue him to close his eyes during

  

  From Google Images

  prayer; when praying out loud do so so your child can hear your words.
• take your child out if he is crying or babbling loud enough to disturb others. When your child is old enough to understand "it's time to be quiet", attach a consequence to having to leave church because of misbehavior. (When my kids were little, we routinely drove through the Mc Donald's drive through for a happy meal after church. If we had to take them out during the service we drove BY McDonald's, very slowly so they could see what they were missing.)

As your kids get older: 

• Explain what is happening during the service. "Listen to the choir praising God." "Now the reader is reading from the Bible. What is he saying about God?" "Now the pastor is telling us how God wants us to live."
• Make "church rules" clear. These might include, "Only whisper during church." "Let mommy listen to the pastor while you read your book." "Stand when everyone else stands."
• Some parents sit in the back of the church where the noise of kids doesn't seem so disruptive; others find their kids pay attention better when they sit in the front, where the kids can see the activity of lighting candles, people talking and moving around and so on. 
• As children get older, expect them to need fewer distractions (like books, toys and snacks) and to pay attention and participate and follow along with Bible readings. 
• Talk about church during the week. Refer to the pastor's sermon, re-read the Bible readings, or play a CD of some of the songs that were sung. 

Tips for teens: 

• Unfortunately, school,  sports and other activities take place on Sundays in many towns, and staying up late the night before may lead to struggles in getting a child to church on Sunday morning. While every family has to make its own decisions regarding priorities, please remember that a relationship with God is the most important relation anyone will have. Many churches offer Saturday, Sunday or Monday evening services, which might fit better in a busy schedule. 
• My parents had a rule that no matter how late we were out the night before, we went to church the next morning. After prom one year I slept for about an hour between the post-prom breakfast and church. I was more than ready for a nap that afternoon...and the lesson my parents instilled about the importance of church has stayed with me even more than 30 years later. 
• While attending worship is a priority, kids should also be developing a day-to-day relationship with the Lord, spending time in devotions (preferably family devotions), prayer and Bible study every day. 

From Google Images

While taking kids to church will probably seem like more trouble that it's worth some weeks (or months!). Rest assured, even when you question what your kids get out of church (or even what YOU get out of church!) your actions are having an impact. 

What's your best hint for taking kids to church? 

Special message for those whose kids are grown: Make it a point to compliment parents who bring their kids to church. To these parents, every eye is on them and judging when their kids' actions are anything less than perfect. Reassure them that you're happy to see their kids in church and that they are making a difference. They will appreciate your words! 

Special message to those who are bothered by the noise and activity of kids in church: In most churches there is an area in which parents with young kids sit, and an area in which kids usually don't sit. Choose to sit where there aren't kids. Please refrain from making any critical comments to parents whose kids are active or even loud; these parents are doing one of their most important jobs in bringing their kids to church. If you are disturbed by noise or activity, talk with an elder or the pastor, not the parents. This is not meant to sound harsh, but it is very important. I know several parents who were very hurt by comments from others, about their kids. Remember what Jesus said: "Let the little children come to Me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven."
----------------------------------------------------

This post is an excerpt from the book 

“Home is Where the Mom Is; A Christian Mom’s Guide to Caring for Herself, Her Family and Her Home” by Shelly Burke. 

This post is part of “Lifehacks for Christian Moms”, available for download May 1^st. 

----------------------------------------------------

I'm also blogging at Nebraska Family Times, 

where the theme is "Words Matter." Click to 

read more! 

A to Z Blogging Challenge

B is for...Bad Days...How to Survive (and maybe even make it a good day!)
By Shelly Burke, RN, Author, and Publisher of the Nebraska Family Times 

Having a bad day once in awhile is inevitable. Some days are bad from the start, and some days start out promising and go downhill from there. A bad day can be the result of  a fight with your spouse, fighting kids, bills, illness, a low bank balance, waking up late...the possibilities are endless--and sometimes there is no discernible reason--it's just one of those days. 

Here are some suggestions for getting through a bad day. 

• If you feel your day going downhill, try to stop the slide. Begin with God. One of the verses that comes to my mind when I'm consciously trying to make the day better is "This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it!" (Psalm 118:24). When I begin to make a list of my blessings, and the list just keeps getting longer and longer, I'm often lifted out of my bad mood.
• Take a shower, dress at least neatly (despite what might be your desire to wear your grubbiest, most comfortable clothes), put a smile on your face, and make a point of being nice to everyone. 
• Turn on some of your favorite music. Dance if you're so
  
  inspired--even if somebody else is watching!--exercise releases "feel good" hormones.
• Go outside and get some fresh air--even if it's cold, snowing, or raining. The change of scenery may translate into a change of mood.  

Sometimes, however, these "feel good" tips will just make you feel worse. No matter what, it's going to be a bad day. When this is the case, resolve yourself to having the best, bad day, that you can. 

• First, get rid of any guilt. It's ok to have an "off" day once in awhile, as long as you don't do anything immoral or illegal...(it IS ok to do something fattening on a bad day). 
• Next, pick something quick and simple from your to-do list and just do it. Wash a load of towels (they're the easiest to fold), water the plants, clean out a junk drawer (you'll throw lots of junk away!). If you don't have anything quick on your list, choose something simple and write it down so you'll have the satisfaction of crossing it off. Then, forget your to-do list for the rest of the day. 
• Then, indulge in doing things you usually don't take the time to do; call a friend and talk for an hour. Have a Pinterest marathon. Read that stack of magazines that's been on your bedside table for months. Take a nap. Take a long bath. Take a long walk. Eat chocolate...for breakfast. Window shop--in real life or via computer--for a few hours. Scrapbook. Don't cook; ask your husband to bring home supper or order pizza. 
• Finally, spend time with your kids, doing things you're usually too busy to--spend the whole afternoon at the park. Get ice cream. Cuddle while watching movies. Play your favorite games. 

Eventually your bad day will be over--hopefully it will have improved! But if not, at least it's over. Before you go to sleep, think about the things you did to nurture yourself. Resolve to do them more often. Pray for a better tomorrow, and ask God to make you aware of the time you need to spend taking care of yourself. 

In "Lifehacks for Christian Moms", available as a download in May, you'll also find tips for dealing with your husband when he's having a bad day, and your kids when they are having a bad day. If you'd like to be notified of new posts, sign up in the sidebar to the right of this post. 

I'm also doing the A to Z Challenge at Nebraska Family Times where the theme is "Words Matter."  

A to Z Blogging Challenge

A is for...All About "Home is Where the Mom Is" 

by Shelly Burke, RN, Author and Publisher of the "Nebraska Family Times" 


Being a mom is my favorite role in life. My kids are now grown (Cody is 23 and lives in the Kansas City area and Morgan is 21 and is going to college in Colorado) and I find joy in the memories of their growing-up years AND I love knowing and seeing and still being "mom" to them as adults (in fact, I'm putting Easter baskets together for them!) 

Another role that I love is that of "author". I've wanted to be a writer since I was a little girl, and you

can click below to read about the experiences and years that brought "Home is Where the Mom Is; A Christian Mom's Guide to Caring for Herself, Her Family, and Her Home" into being. 

Click here to read "Why I Wrote "Home is Where the Mom Is"" . 

Click here to read "Giving Birth to a Book". 

Click here to read all about  my theme for the A to Z Challenge--Lifehacks for Christian Moms.    

Tomorrow's Post is titled "Bad Day--How to Survive (and Maybe even make it a Good Day!)"    

And click "Follow by Email" in the right hand column, under the Blogging A to Z sunflower graphic to receive all of my posts in the A to Z Blogging Challenge! 
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I'm also doing the Blogging A to Z Challenge at

Nebraska Family Times . Click to check it out!