“Instilling Values in Your Kids”
by Shelly Burke, Author
of Home is Where the Mom Is; A Christian
Mom’s Guide to Caring for Herself, Her Family, and Her Home
(Excerpted
from Home is Where the Mom Is. To see
the Table of Contents, click on the tab at the top of the page. Home is Where the Mom Is makes the
perfect Mother’s Day gift for any mom of children who are at home. See ordering
information to the right.)
“Values” can be
defined as “broad guidelines that can be
applied to specific situations.”
When you instill positive values in your children when they
are young, those values will help them make the right decisions throughout
their lives. But…these values must be ingrained before difficult
situations (like receiving too much
change at the store, cheating on a test, stealing, or having premarital sex or
using drugs) arise and it’s all too easy to make the wrong decision—possibly with
life-long consequences.
Think about your values and consider writing them out and
hanging them where you and your kids can refer to them daily. The 10
Commandments will probably be included (Deut. 5:7-21) and the Fruits of the
Spirit—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness
and self-control—are also great guidelines. You might include honesty and
generosity and anything else that fits what you want to teach your kids.
Remember that the best teacher—negative or positive—is your
actions. If you curse when you’re cut off in traffic, or tell your child to lie
about his age to get a cheaper movie ticket, you’re teaching a powerful
negative lesson.
Point out actions that demonstrate your values: “The checkout lady gave me too much change;
let’s take it back to the store because that money is not ours—it is not honest
to keep it.” “I wanted to yell at the man who cut me off, but that’s not what God
wants me to do—he wants me to be patient with others.”
Include your kids in value-instilling actions: A few years
ago when a neighbor’s house burned down, Morgan picked out a bag of her own
clothes to give to the little girl who lost all of her clothes. For months when
we walked past the house she remembered, “All
of the girl’s clothes burned, so I gave her some of mine.” Say, “Let’s hold the door for the lady in the
wheelchair,” and “Let’s buy some
groceries and take them to the homeless shelter so people who don’t have a home
can have a meal.”
When you ask about their day at school, use their account of
activities to talk about positive and negative
examples of values. “So the kids got
caught cheating—why shouldn’t they cheat? What were their consequences? See how
it’s better just to do your own work and study?”
When your child demonstrates negative or positive examples
of your own values, it’s an opportunity to talk about these values. Be sure to
take the time to do so, even if you’re busy or in a hurry. The “real life”
examples will demonstrate values better than anything you say. As 1 John says, “Dear children, let us love not with words
or tongue but with actions and in truth.” 1 John 3:18
I’m also blogging
at Nebraska Family Times.
Read my post today
about the “Verse of the Year” and how it helps me
when I’m
discouraged.
