Blogging From A to Z, Day Two, The Letter "B"

Getting Through a Bad Day

By Shelly Burke

Sometimes you get out of bed just knowing it will be a bad day. Other days start off just fine and then get bad after a phone call, spill, or something in the mail (or not in the mail!). PMS or not feeling well, although no guarantee of a bad day, can certainly make a day bad, as can a fight with your husband or kids.

Sometimes there seems to be no reason for a bad day besides a generic “funk” feeling. As David lamented, “Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me?” (Psalm 42:5)

Take these steps to help you get through the bad day.

1. First of all, do something from your to-do list. Pick something that easy to complete so you feel you’ve accomplished something; fold a load of towels or clear out the dishwasher. Cross it off and then give yourself a break and forget your to-do list for the rest of the day!
2. Have you been spending time with God on a regular basis? If not, resolve to do so, even if you just read a few Bible verses. Read a Psalm (or Philippians 1, or Romans 8:18-39). Search for verses that will encourage you, write them on notecards and put the notecards where you’ll see them every day. Know that God loves you no matter your mood!
3. Now do something nice for YOU! Call a friend you haven’t talked to for awhile. Start that new novel you’ve been too busy for. Spend time on a craft you’ve wanted to try. While your kids are napping, curl up under a blanket and take a nap—or cuddle with them while they sleep. Eat a big bowl of popcorn (with extra butter!) or some more chocolate. Listen to music and sing along!
4. Don’t cook—order take-out, ask your husband to bring something home, get something out of the freezer, or have a simple breakfast for supper. 
5. Above all, give yourself a break. As a mom you have many roles and are responsible for a countless number of details that keep your household running. Everyone has “off” days; no one can operate at 100% (or even 90%) all of the time. It’s OK to have a bad day!
6. If you have a lot of bad days, try to figure out why. Do you need take a little more time for yourself every day, to prevent some bad days? Time with God will almost always improve your mood, as will regular exercise and eating healthily (for the most part anyway—treats are necessary too!). Are you putting too much pressure on yourself to be perfect?

Before you go to sleep, pray for a better tomorrow. And when you wake up, make your first thought, “This is the day that the Lord has made! I will rejoice and be glad in it!” Psalm 118:24.

Do you know someone who is having a bad day? Please consider forwarding  this article to them!

(this excerpt is adapted  from Shelly’s book Home is Where the Mom Is; a Christian Mom’s Guide to Caring for Herself, Her Family, and Her Home. To order, see the sidebar.)

Shelly is also blogging every day at www.nebraskafamilytimes.blogspot.com. Read today’s entry, “The Bible Tells Me So,” at that link. 

Blogging from A to Z April Challenge

When I saw this challenge (http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/) I immediately knew I wanted to join!

I will be blogging every day – except Sunday (with the exception of today, since it’s April 1^st) – throughout April. I will be posting on both of my blogs—Nebraska Family Times – www.nebraskafamilytimes.blogspot.com and Home is Where the Mom Is – www.achristianmomsguide.blogspot.com.

Each day’s theme will correspond to the letter of that day; today, April 1^st, the letter is “A” and the theme is “About the Blogging from A to Z Challenge.”

Tomorrow is “B” and the theme on the Nebraska Family Times blog will be “The Bible—My Favorite  Book.” The theme on the Home is Where the Mom Is blog will be “Bad Days—Surviving Them”.

Other days will feature devotions I’ve written, devotions by other authors, excerpts from my book Home is Where the Mom Is; A Christian Mom’s Guide to Caring for Herself, Her Family, and Her Home, links to my favorite websites and blogs, and more! Be sure to check in on “Freebie Fridays” where your comments might get you—you guessed it!—a freebie!

“Like” the Nebraska Family Times and Home is Where the Mom Is Facebook pages, or sign up to “follow” each blog and you’ll receive notification when the blog entries are posted!

Part 2 of the “A” theme: “A few of my favorite blogs—check them out!”

• “Fragrant Offerings” by Deb Burma at www.debburma.blogspot.com (my FAVORITE Christian author and speaker—and I get to sit by her in church and Bible class too!)
• Proverbs 31 www.proverbs31.org (many Christian writers and books)
• “The Happiness Project” www.happiness-project.com (I loved the book too!)
• “168 Hours; You have more Time than You Think” (a great book as well!)     http://lauravanderkam.com/
• http://www.nebfc.org --the Nebraska Family Council—keep up-to-date on issues important to Nebraska Families, including legislation to watch

See you tomorrow! 

Is My Teen's Behavior Normal?

By Mark Gregston

It’s normal for teenagers to fail to do their chores without ten reminders, to put off their homework, to be emotional, to lose important things, to like music that is too loud, and to sometimes counter or question authority.  That’s all pretty typical, though it can be aggravating to parents. To compare, let’s look at what’s abnormal . . . sudden profound changes in personality, angry outbursts of profanity, extreme disrespect for people and things, addictions, sudden failing grades, not sleeping or sleeping too much, extreme weight loss, eating disorders, self-harm, running away, or self-imposed isolation.

Do you see the difference?  Normal stuff has to do with being distracted, ditsy, trying to fit in, or flapping their wings of independence. It passes in time, as the teen matures. Abnormal behavior and true rebellion is represented by a growing darkness, hatred and anger in their soul, which tends to only get worse over time.

A common cause for rebellion is when a teen is trying to exert their independence in a home where independence is not allowed. They feel boxed in, so they tend to explode. The best thing to do when you see rebellion in your teen is to first look at what may be impeding your relationship. Could it be that you are still treating them like a child, and need to give them a few more freedoms?  

Or, has something happened in your child’s life, even unbeknownst to you, that is affecting them? Kids forget stuff.  They get distracted.  And by definition, they are still a bit irresponsible. Yes, they need to obey the rules and remain inside the boundaries you have set, but I want to encourage you to put their behavior into the context of their lives and not label them as a rebel just because they are acting like a teenager. 

Parents need to recognize the difference between a distracted or foolish child and one who is making a bold “You can’t tell me what to do!” statement. Though both may seem rebellious, only the latter is trying to be.

Apply Boundaries and Consequences

There needs to be some “hurt” when kids cross the important lines. For instance, turn off their computer, unplug the TV, take away their car keys, ground them for a week. I sometimes say it this way, “You’re sixteen. I’d like to treat you that way, but if you insist on being treated like you’re twelve, I will! But you won’t like it because you’ll only have the privileges of a twelve year old.”  

 Don’t over-react or get upset. Anger just shifts the attention away from their behavior, causing them to reflect anger right back at you. Shaming them just makes them feel like there is no hope of ever pleasing you. Instead, demonstrate your love by keeping your cool and keeping to the plan for applying appropriate consequences. And never cave in or lessen the consequences.  That just backfires in the end, causing you to have to apply even more severe consequences later.

The important thing to do is to differentiate between normal and abnormal. If it’s normal stuff, strengthen your boundaries and apply consequences. If your teen’s behavior has become dark, secretive, explosive or otherwise abnormal, it’s time that you get them in to see a counselor.  Consequences may have no effect on such a teen.  

 Restore Your Teen

I’ve worked with thousands of teenagers who have fallen short in life. Most have broken just about every rule in the book. As a result, many of them think they have messed up so bad that no one—not even their parents or God—loves them any more. They’ve developed a “what’s the use of trying” attitude, which has gotten them into even more trouble. That thinking needs to be turned around before they will turn around.

Psalm 71:20 says, “Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will bring me up.”  It’s crucial that we never make our kids think they are damaged goods or black sheep.  Rather we must love them unconditionally, even through the disappointments and struggles.  Think of it this way . . . instead of yelling at them for falling in a hole, it’s much more productive to lower a ladder, climb into the hole and show them the steps to get out.

Mark Gregston is an author, speaker, radio host, and the founder and director of Heartlight, a therapeutic boarding school located in East Texas.Visit http://www.parentingtodaysteens.org to read more articles by Mark. Reprinted by permission. 

Are you looking for a Valentine's Day gift for your daughter? "His Revolutionary Love" would make the perfect gift!

Are you looking for a Valentine's Day gift for your daughter? "His Revolutionary Love" would make the perfect gift! 

Book Review "His Revolutionary Love"

(This review appears in the February issue of the Nebraska Family Times. The mission of the Nebraska Family Times is to "inspire, encourage, and motivate you in your Christian walk." For more information about the Nebraska Family Times or to request a FREE sample issue go to www.nebraskafamilytimes.blogspot.com.)

His Revolutionary Love

By Lynn Cowell

Review by Shelly Burke, Editor

Like all of us, author Lynn Cowell experienced the ups and downs and anxieties of having crushes as a teen. However, during a nine-month Bible school training program she discovered the revolutionary love of Jesus. As she learned she realized that His love is the opposite of everything she had been pressured to believe about love.

His Revolutionary Love is written for teenagers who are facing pressures from friends, books, magazines, popular culture, and “what everyone else is doing” regarding relationships with boys.  

Cowell’s book is divided into three parts. Part 1, His Heart Toward Me,outlines how and what God is communicating to the reader. Part 2, His Path For Me, shows what our behavior should be to show our love to God. Part 3, His Hopes for Me, explains what we can do when we know about God’s revolutionary love.

The message throughout the book is that nothing—not boys, sex, drugs, sports, friends—can truly fill our hearts; only the revolutionary love of Jesus can. And Cowell reassures readers that Jesus loves us no matter what we are like inside and no matter what we have done. There are consequences for our actions, but God shows us His mercy when we ask for forgiveness. Cowell truly relates to teen emotions and “real life.”

Cowell is realistic in saying that some days we’ll feel closer to Jesus than other days, and that friends might not share in the readers’ passion for Him. She encourages readers to continue spending time with Him anyway.

Cowell recognizes the difficulty of remaining sexually pure and in no uncertain terms warns teens of the dangers of not doing so. She encourages readers to play out situations in their mind so they’ll be prepared to deal with those situations in “real life.”

His Revolutionary Love is a must-read for teenage girls; it will give them the confidence to make good decisions about setting boundaries and protecting themselves. Moms who read the book will find natural lead-ins to discussion with their daughters. (Hint to moms: download the FREE Leader’s Guide at www.lynncowell.com. Many of the suggestions and questions would be perfect for a one-to-one discussion with your daughter.)

Lynn Cowell is a youth worker and the mother of three teenagers. She is a member of the Proverbs 31 Ministries’ speaking team and works with teens one-on-one mentoring, leading small groups, and teaching at conferences. To read more go to www.lynncowell.com.  At the site you’ll also find a FREE Leadership Guide for those who feel moved to lead a group through the study of His Revolutionary Love. 

CHOCOLATE!

CHOCOLATE! It's on my mind today as I read Deb Burma's new devotion book, "A Chocolate Life." 

Deb is a good friend of mine and I'm blessed to know her--as a writer and as a friend. She has a way of applying Biblical principles to "real life" lessons. I'm just starting to read "A Chocolate Life" and am excited to read more--AND to try the delicious-sounding recipes she's included in the book. 

Go to her blog at http://debburma.blogspot.com/ and read a sample devotion. You'll be back for more! "A Chocolate Life" would make the PERFECT Valentine's Day gift--the price is right and the book will fit in an envelope with a card. ENJOY!

1 Corinthians 13 for Moms

(1 Corinthians 13 is traditionally known as the "love" chapter of the Bible, and is read at many weddings. I like how this anonymous author applied it to being a mom. I hope you enjoy it too!) 


I can read bedtime stories till the cow jumps over the moon and sing "Ten Little Monkeys" until I want to call the doctor--but if I don't have love, I'm as annoying as a ringing phone.

I can chase a naked toddler through the house while cooking dinner and listening to voice mail, I can fix the best cookies and Kool-Aid in the neighborhood, and I can tell a sick child's temperature with one touch of my finger, but if I don't have love, I am nothing.

Love is patient while watching and praying by the front window when it's 30 minutes past curfew.

Love is kind when my child says, "I don’t like you anymore!"

It does not envy the neighbors' swimming pool or their brand-new mini van, but trusts the Lord to provide every need.

Love does not brag when other parents share their disappointments and insecurities, and love rejoices when other families succeed.

It doesn't boast, even when I've multi-tasked all day long and my husband can't do more than one thing at a time.

Love is not rude when my spouse innocently asks, "What have you done today?"

It does not immediately seek after glory when we see talent in our children, but encourages them to get training and make wise choices.

It is not easily angered, even when my 15-year-old acts like the world revolves around her.

It does not delight in evil (is not self-righteous) when I remind my 17-year-old that he's going 83 in a 55-mph zone, but rejoices in the truth.

Love does not give up hope. It always protects our children's self-esteem and spirit, even while doling out discipline.

It always trusts God to protect our children when we cannot. It always perseveres, through blue nail polish, rolled eyes and crossed arms, messy rooms and sleepovers.

Love never fails. But where there are memories of thousands of diaper changes and painful labor(s), they will fade away.

Where there is talking back, it will (eventually) cease. (Please, Lord?)

Where there is a teenager who thinks she knows everything, there will one day be an adult who knows you did your best.

For we know we fail our children, and we pray they don't end up in or therapy, but when we get to heaven, our imperfect parenting will disappear.

(Thank you, Lord!)

When we were children, we needed a parent to love and protect us. Now that we're parents ourselves, we have a heavenly Father who adores, shelters us and holds us when we need to cry. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

(author unknown)

My New Year's Challenge to You: A Gratitude Journal

My New Year's Challenge to You: A Gratitude Journal

This article appeared in the January issue of the Nebraska Family Times. Even though the "official" day for resolutions--Jan. 1st--has passed, I challenge you to begin a Gratitude Journal. "Counting my blessings" every day helps me realize how truly blessed I am--and it will do the same for you. 

Here is my list from yesterday, Jan. 8th, 2012. 

1. Went to church with Morgan, heard a great sermon, and strengthened my faith with the Lord's Supper.

2. A nice afternoon nap. :-) 

3. Tim and Cody arrived in Denver safely (for the National Western Stock Show). 

4. Time with Morgan, just talking and being together. 

5. A walk outside--short, but great to get some fresh air. 

----------------------------

2012—A Year of Gratitude

by Shelly Burke, Editor

We are in the time of year in which gratitude and thankfulness are easy, with the focus on Thanksgiving and our Savior’s birth at Christmas. But what about the rest of the year? Are you as thankful every day throughout the year as you are during this season?

The Bible commands us to be thankful. Psalm 106:1 says, “Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever.” Psalm 107:1 repeats the command, as does Psalm 136:1.  And God truly is good. He gives us the greatest blessings in life—eternal life through the death of His son. He also gives us our faith, family, friends, homes, and on and on.

The Bible also tells us we should be “always giving thanks…for everything”(Eph. 5:20) and we should “give thanks in all circumstances“(1 Thess. 5:18). Always” and “in all circumstances”—not just when we’re having a good day.

Obviously the biggest benefit of giving thanks is obeying and honoring our Lord. But there are other benefits as well.

• Research has shown that people who made a list of three to five things they were grateful for every day were more optimistic about the future and felt better about their lives overall than people who recorded daily hassles or negative happenings. Listing things daily resulted in a greater increase in gratitude than only doing so weekly.
•  Some research shows that feelings of thankfulness can help reduce stress; stress is linked with many illnesses, including heart disease.
• Grateful people are usually more optimistic than others, and some researchers say that being optimistic helps boost the immune system. This means that people who are thankful may become ill less often. A thankful attitude has also been linked to quicker recovery after surgery or when sick
• An “attitude of gratitude” has been linked to better sleep, a decrease in anxiety and depression, kinder behavior toward others, higher satisfaction with life in general, and overall better health.
• When we focus on gratitude, even for small things, our thinking shifts to being more positive in general.

 One of my goals for 2012 is to list 5 things I’m thankful for, every day. Will you join me in starting a “Gratitude Journal”?  Choose a notebook or journal, big or small, fancy or plain, and take a few minutes every day to jot down 3-5 things you’re thankful for. You could also make your list on your calendar. Your list can be in phrases, complete sentences, or even paragraphs. But keep it simple so you’ll find it easy to do every day.

If you would like, share part of your journal with me. Every month in 2012 I’ll be listing some of the things I am thankful for, and/or contributions from readers. Just e-mail me at shelly@shellyburke.net with what you are grateful for—it can be one thing or several.

I hope to hear from you in 2012!