A to Z Blogging "I is for..."

"...In-Laws and Extended Family Members...Setting Boundaries"
From "Lifehacks for Christian Moms"
by Shelly Burke, RN, Author, and Publisher of the Nebraska Family Times newspaper

In-law issues have been a part of life almost since God created humans--and they sinned. In Genesis 29, Jacob's prospective father-in-law made him work for seven years to earn his daughter for a bride--and then tricked him into marrying the wrong daughter! Jacob, however, loved Rachel so much that he worked for another seven years to earn her. In Genesis 25, Rebekah helped her favorite twin son, Jacob, trick his father out of his brother Esau's birthright. The Old Testament is full of examples of lies, manipulation and deceit among family members. 

Extended family members can be a blessing or...not a blessing! On the good side, you have a history of shared joyful and sad events, you share the burdens of "dirty little secrets" and help each other through hard times. 

On the other hand, extended family members can have a significant negative effect on your family. Some do not respect limits or seem to enjoy embarrassing others, or manipulating or expecting you to conform to their idea of what is "right". Some relatives criticize, manipulate and interfere so much that to protect your immediate family, drastic measures are necessary. If you are troubled by family dynamics but aren't sure if or how they're affecting you or your family, speak to your pastor or a Christian counselor. 

Setting boundaries is just one way of dealing with difficult family

(from Google Images)

members. Setting boundaries means clearly establishing the terms of your relationship and interactions, shows your independence as a family and sets limits on the behaviors that you will and will not tolerate. When you've made your beliefs and expectations clear, no one has any false or unrealistic expectations. 

Boundaries: 

• will be different for each family. Some parents don't mind if their kids stay up waaaayyyy past their bedtime, and have donuts for breakfast when they're with their favorite aunt; others may not want their kids to adhere to a strict bedtime and have a balanced breakfast. 
• may change as circumstances and issues change throughout the years. 
• can be easy to set; safety issues, like using a car seat or seatbelt, should be non-negotiable and not open to discussion. Others may be unique to your family. Few boundaries are "right" or "wrong" but if they are "right" for your family, it's ok to insist on them. 
• should be agreed upon by husband and wife; showing a united front is vital to protecting your family from manipulative or bullying family members.
• will probably elicit protests and arguments from the people for whom you're setting the boundaries. Don't argue or give in; repeat what you've said and stick to your boundaries. 

To set boundaries: 

• Consider how often you see the person (or people) that cause stress. It might not be worth conflict to insist that once-a-year visitors don't bring candy to the kids, while stricter limits might have to be set with someone who is a frequent visitor.  
• Consider the seriousness of the issue. My son's grandfather talked for weeks about how he was going to give our weeks-old son a taste of mashed potatoes at Thanksgiving. While I wouldn't have chosen to give him any solid foods when he was that young, I realized that a small bit wasn't going to hurt him. 
• Consider the person who needs the boundaries. Some people

  

  (from Google Images)

  understand exceptions to the rule (like an occasional late night) while other people, given an inch, will take 10,000 miles. 
• Discuss the boundaries with your spouse and, if age appropriate, your kids. Define the consequences if the relative breaks the boundaries and determine who will talk with the person about the boundaries. 
• Some boundaries might be "private"--known only to you and your husband, like an agreement that neither of you will commit to going to a holiday gathering without talking with the other, or that you will pick the kids up at grandpa's house by 4 PM because he routinely gives them a bowl of ice cream at 4:30 and ruins their appetite for supper.
• Remember that you might have to remind people several times of the new boundaries. 
• Prayerfully ask the Lord to guide your words and your attitude. Remember the wise words of Solomon, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs anger." (Proverbs 15:1). With difficult family members it's often tempting to speak harshly or critically, which will not get your point across and will probably lead to another argument. Plan your words and speak objectively and firmly and unemotionally. Don't get caught up in an argument; you have the right and responsibility to protect your family physically and emotionally. 
• If a family relationship is destructive and it seems nothing you try helps, consider talking with your pastor or a Christian counselor, with that person (or people) if they are willing. 

What to say when setting boundaries:

• "The kids are too young to understand the danger of guns. It's not safe for them to be anywhere if the guns are not locked up. We cannot allow the kids to be at your home until the guns are under lock and key."
• "We usually don't let the kids eat doughnuts for breakfast but it's ok if they do for a treat, when they stay over at your house. But please also give them a glass of milk or a banana or some yogurt so it's not all sugar!"
• "You're distracted when you drive and you drive too fast. It's not safe to ride with you. You are always welcome to ride with

  

  (Google Images)

  us but we will not be riding with you." 
• "No, we don't allow smoking in our home, but you can go out back and smoke." 
• "Please call before you come and visit to be sure that we don't have other plans", or, "You don't have to call ahead to visit; just please don't come before 9 AM or at nap time, 2-3PM." 
• Be kind and considerate when possible; "I would like to host holiday meals at my house from now on; you've done it for many years and deserve a break! Will you continue to bring your famous dinner rolls?" is much more likely to result in change than, "It's always hours later than planned when we eat and it grosses us out when the dog eats from your fork, right at the table."
• "Taking the Lord's name in vain offends me. Please don't do it anymore! If you continue to, we will ask you to leave." 
• "We have all been hurt by the negative and critical remarks you make about our jobs, weight, or the people we've married. We want you to attend family get-togethers, so please, don't be critical at the next reunion. If you are, you won't be invited to them any more." 

Enforcing boundaries can be difficult if you feel intimidated by others, but if you're doing what is best for your family, you're doing the right thing. 

Have you had to set boundaries with extended family members? 

How did you do it? What are your hints for doing so?

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This post is an excerpt from the book “Home is Where the Mom Is; A Christian Mom’s Guide to Caring for Herself, Her Family and Her Home” by Shelly Burke. This post is part of “Lifehacks for Christian Moms”, available for download May 1^st.

I’m also blogging the A to Z Challenge at Nebraska Family Times, with the theme, “Words Matter.” On Tuesday ("L"  Day) the post will be "Limiting or Cutting Contact with Family Members". 

A to Z Blogging..."H is for..."

"...Husband Having a Bad Day and how to Support Him" 
From "Lifehacks for Christian Moms"
By Shelly Burke, RN, Author, and Publisher of the "Nebraska Family Times" newspaper

You might be able to tell from the moment he walks in the door from his slumped shoulders and subdued "Hello." Or perhaps it will come out later, when you're talking about your day. Or maybe he won't talk about it at all until you specifically ask what's wrong. Eventually, though, through subtle clues or his outright declaration, you'll discover that your husband is having a bad day. 



How can you help his mood?

• Know your husband. He might prefer to be alone for a little while to decompress from work, or he might want to sit with you quietly. Perhaps he'll want to talk about every detail, or maybe he won't want to talk about it at all. If you're not sure what will help, ask him. "Honey, I can tell you had a bad day. Do you want to tell me about it now or do you want to talk about something else? Would you like a hug or would you rather go out in your workshop for a little while?" Invite him to talk about it later, if he wants to. Respect his way of dealing with a bad day and know it's not personal if he prefers to spend a little time alone, and/or not talk about the problem.
• If you know he's had a stressful day, consider making his favorite meal or picking up his favorite kind of ice cream during the day. Give him a backrub. Remind him of his accomplishments. Encourage your kids to give him a big hug when he comes home. Offer to pray for him (ask him what he'd like you to pray for specifically) or with him.
• If he is dealing with long-term stress (due to problems at
  
  work, conflicts with extended family members, financial issues, etc.) your support is very important. Work "behind the scenes" to make your home a haven for him. Give him a funny card. Make his favorite meals. Give him a funny card or write him a from-the-heart letter. Leave little notes where he'll find them throughout the day. Assure him of your support and love and commitment. Pray for him and tell him you are doing so. Plan a fun night out ("kidnap" him if necessary). Ask him frequently if he wants to talk about the problem, but don't insist on doing so; he might need a break. This does not mean to cater to your husband to the exclusion of your own needs, but showing him your love and support as his lifetime partner.
• Share encouraging Bible verses. Read the verses to him or write them out and leave them where he'll see him. A few suggestions: "Be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9. "Jesus said...'I have said these things to you that you may have peace, In the world you will have tribulation, but take heart; I have overcome the world." (John 16:33). "...do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Jesus Christ." Philippians 4:7. "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10. 
• If your husband shows signs of depression (weight loss or gain, a dramatic change in eating or sleeping habits, loss of interest in usual activities, etc., or he says "I feel so depressed/down/sad", suggest he talk with a pastor or counselor. Assure him that it's not a weakness to be depressed or seek help; a few appointments can make a huge difference. 
• Pray for him daily, whether he is having a bad day or difficult time or not. Pray for God to give him wisdom, protect his heart, to guide him to make good decisions, and that he will feel God's leading and presence and peace. 

How do you help your husband through a bad day? If you 

are a husband, what is the most important thing 

 your wife can do to help you through a bad day?

---------------------------------------------------

This post is an excerpt from the book “Home is Where the Mom Is; A Christian Mom’s Guide to Caring for Herself, Her Family and Her Home” 

by Shelly Burke. 

This post is part of “Lifehacks for Christian Moms”, available for download May 1^st.

I’m also blogging the A to Z Challenge at www.nebraskafamilytimes.blogspot.com, with the theme, “Words Matter.” 

A to Z Blogging..."G" is for...

...Guilt 
From "Lifehacks for Christian Moms"
By Shelly Burke, RN, Author, and Publisher of the "Nebraska Family Times" 

Mommy guilt. All the moms I know, including myself, have suffered from mommy guilt at one time or another (usually many times...sometimes many times daily). Moms have the ability to conjure up guilt about almost anything--what the kids ate today...and what they didn't eat. What they said, or what they didn't say, and how they said it...or didn't say it. If they hid in the bathroom (or closet) for just a few minutes of "alone time". The books the kids read...or the fact that they only read the cereal box. Did you save every single piece of artwork? 

Moms of older kids experience guilt too! Did we teach them enough...or did we expect too much? Was every birthday and holiday Pintrest-worthy?  Will not enrolling them in Advanced Haiku Writing or Baby Babbling classes hurt their chances of getting into college? Do all of the meals you cook contain at least one serving from each food group, no sugar, no processed foods, and at least one child's favorite food? 

The "experts" can be more "expert" at inducing more guilt, not relieving it OR even helping us be better moms. Our kids are supposed to "eat more vegetables" and "watch less TV" (I think the recommendations now are less than 8 seconds of TV a day). We're supposed to "plan stimulating activities" and "teach them to live in the real world...but not too quickly". Are you a "mean mom"? 

At the least, guilty feelings give us an uncomfortable twinge or the

nagging feeling that you "should" be doing more or something else. At their worst, feelings of guilt can cause undue anxiety and even the inability to make a decisions due to fear of making the wrong one. As these guilt-inducers build up you might feel as David did when he wrote, "My guilt has overwhelmed me like a burden too heavy to bear." (Psalm 38:4)

How can you deal with these usually unproductive feelings of guilt?

• First, determine whether you're feeling "good" guilt--the kind that is an appropriate action to something inappropriate you did--maybe blaming a child for something you later find he didn't do. "Good" guilt can motivate you to change your behavior for the better. For example, if you can't remember the last time your kids played outside (putting in a DVD is easier) or you can't remember the last time you actually sat down and talked to your teenager (it's easier not to deal with the moodiness and sullenness), or the last time you went to church was...well, you can't even remember (due to any number of excuses), the guilty feelings are a sign that something in your life should change.
• If you are feeling guilty for something you were in the wrong for, ask God for forgiveness and remember that when you are truly repentant, He always forgives, through His grace and the death of His Son. Ephesians 1:7 reassures us that "In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our sins, according to the riches of His grace, which He lavished upon us." 
• Guilty feelings are not all bad--they are a reminder not to repeat the action. Acknowledge your guilt, rethink your priorities, and make goals and plans for changes. 
• Remember that some potentially guilt-producing feelings are beyond your control. You can't protect your child from every single owie or not-so-nice remark a classmate makes. Sometimes a family is broken by divorce due to another person's choices. Do the best you can to protect your child from injury, comfort him when his feelings are hurt, and deal with feelings about unavoidable events. 
• One thing I've realized as my kids got to be older teenagers and are now into their early 20's is that they are responsible for the choices them make, good and bad. I can offer advice and prayers, but they are going to make their own choices--and when they make the not-so-good decisions, it is not a reflection on me and not a reason to feel guilt. Of course I will continue to pray for them and offer advice (if it's an important issue, I gently offer advice even when I'm not asked--and then back off!), but I need not feel guilty for their decisions and choices.
• Ask yourself if your guilt is a result of unrealistic expectations.
  
  If you expect your house to be perfectly clean every day, or decide that every meal will be homemade, delicious and adhere to the recommended daily allowance of all vitamins and minerals, as well as appeal to all family members, you are probably expecting too much of yourself. Look at your life objectively and see if you are expecting too much of yourself. Pray for God to guide you and show you what you should be doing. 

What are your hints for dealing with guilt? 

----------------------------

This post is an excerpt from the book 

“Home is Where the Mom Is; A Christian Mom’s Guide to Caring for Herself, Her Family and Her Home” by Shelly Burke. 

This post is part of “Lifehacks for Christian Moms”, 

available for download May 1^st.

I’m also blogging the A to Z Challenge at The Nebraska Family Times, with the theme, “Words Matter.” 

A to Z Blogging...F is for...

...Fifty-Five things that take Only Five Minutes
From "Lifehacks for Christian Moms"
By Shelly Burke, RN, Author, and Publisher, "Nebraska Family Times"

 Your toddlers are totally engrossed in the last few minutes of their favorite TV show. Or you're waiting for your kids to find their library books and backpacks so you can take them to school. Or your husband is finishing a phone call before you leave for an evening out. Or you're all ready to go but your walking partner isn't due for a few minutes.


Rather than check Facebook or wander around aimlessly thinking "I should be doing something", put that time to use! You'll be amazed at what you can accomplish in just five minutes. (Disclaimer: None of the photographs are from my home...but they inspire me and I hope they inspire you too!)

In your bedroom:

1. Organize one dresser drawer.
2. Straighten your shoes.
3. Sort the stuff on your bedside table.
4. Give your husband a long hug and big kiss.

In the kitchen:

1. Clear out the dishwasher.
2. Discard the oldest, most unidentifiable, and/or scariest leftovers from the refrigerator. 
3. Go through the cupboards and make your grocery list.

   

   From Google Images...although I've had all
   of these things in my refrigerator...

4. Start your meal plan for next week. 
5. Straighten one cupboard or drawer.
6. If you're waiting while cooking, brown an extra pound of hamburger, or chop an extra onion to prepare for a meal later in the week.

In the bathroom:

1. Fold a load of towels.
2. Toss your old toothbrushes and get out new ones.
3. Clean off the counter.
4. Clean the mirror. 
5. Chock your supply of toilet paper, soap and other "bathroom" items and add them to your list if necessary.

In the car:

1. Sort through the glove compartment. 

   

   From Google Images...not my
   glove compartment!

2. Close your eyes and daydream.
3. Read a magazine article.
4. File your fingernails.
5. Do an isometric exercise, like tensing and relaxing your abs or biceps. 
6. Pick up all the sippy cups, tissues, animal crackers, water bottles, and scraps of paper in the back seat.

While you're talking on the phone:

1. Set the table. 
2. Sort laundry.
3. Lotion your legs.
4. Iron.
5. Sit with your feet up. 

   

   Google Images...but I wish my cupboards
   looked like this!
   

Before bed:

1. Get out the clothes you'll wear tomorrow. 
2. Put dishes in the dishwasher.
3. Wipe down the counters and cupboard doors.
4. Get the first load of clothes ready to wash.
5. Talk, really talk, to your husband.
6. Read a short devotion or a chapter of Proverbs.

In the living room:

1. Straighten the DVDs. 
2. Turn over and fluff the couch cushions.

   

   From Google Images

3. Water the plants.
4. Pick up everything off the floor so it's easier to vacuum.
5. Play a game of Chinese Checkers. 

At your desk:

1. Write a thank-you card or encouraging note, or get a birthday card ready to send. 
2. Look at your birthday and anniversary list for the next few months and check your supply of cards. 
3. Jot down ideas for your next project. 
4. Check your supply of stamps, paper clips, pens, envelopes, etc. 

Throughout the house (or a few rooms):

1. Empty all the wastebaskets.
2. Pick up all the stray coats, shoes, socks, etc. 

   

   From Google Images...this inspires me!

3. Collect all of the glasses, soda cans and dishes.
4. Spray air freshener in every room. Have a tickle fight!
5. Call a friend to say "I am thinking of and praying for you!"

For your health:

1. Jump rope. 
2. Learn to take your pulse.
3. Walk around the block, or up and down the steps in your home. 
4. Stretch.
5. Eat a piece of fruit.

With the kids:

1. Ask them about their day.
2. Say a prayer together.
3. Play tag.
4. Hug! 

What is your favorite thing to do in just five minutes?

---------------------------

This post is an excerpt from the book “Home is Where the Mom Is; A Christian Mom’s Guide to Caring for Herself, Her Family and Her Home” by Shelly Burke. This post is part of “Lifehacks for Christian Moms”, available for download May 1^st.

I’m also blogging the A to Z Challenge at 

Nebraska Family Times, with the theme, 

“Words Matter.” 

A to Z Blogging "E is for..."

...Every Day...Making God Part Of 
From the series "Lifehacks for Christian Moms" 
By Shelly Burke, RN, Author, and Publisher, Nebraska Family Times

 Developing a relationship with God is much more than just attending church and saying a prayer before meals or at bedtime. The prophet Isaiah promises, "The Lord will keep in perfect peace all those...whose thoughts turn often to the Lord." (Isaiah 26:3) 


Keep your thoughts turned to the Lord by:

• Volunteering at church. Join the choir. Teach Sunday School. Organize a fund-raiser. Help with Vacation Bible School. Help decorate for Christmas. Give rides to church to shut-ins. Deliver meals on Wheels. There are opportunities that fit anyone's schedule and skills! 
• Joining a church group. MOPS (Mothers of Pre-Schoolers), ladies organizations, Bible Study, altar guild. 
• Spending time in personal Bible Study and devotions. Ask the Lord to make you desire to spend time with Him. Check out different versions of the Bible and find one that you enjoy

  

  (From Google Images)

  reading (ask your pastor what recommendations he or she recommends.) Ask your pastor or friends for recommendations for devotion or Bible study books; be discerning as many very popular speakers and authors may contradict the beliefs of your denomination. 
• Listening to Christian music. We've all had ear worms--when the words of a song are "stuck" on repeat in your head. Wouldn't you rather have positive words going through your mind? You'll be surprised at how much more positive your attitude is when you listen to positive music. 
• Starting your day by saying, "This is the day that the Lord has made! We will rejoice and be glad in it!"
• Beginning your day with at least a few minutes of prayer. I always ask God to protect my kids and loved ones, and to work through me to bless others. 
• Starting a Gratitude Journal. List five things God has blessed you with every day. Consider making this a family project; family members can share blessings at the supper table.  
• Being conscious about God's hand in your life every day; in a beautiful sunrise, protection from a traffic accident, a regular job, food on the table, a working vehicle, modern appliances, loving family, the ability to worship freely...count your blessings! 
• Making a point of saying you are "blessed" rather than "lucky". 
• Ending the day in prayer and thanksgiving. Think back to all of the ways God has blessed you. 
• Writing out your favorite Bible verses and post them around your house--on your bathroom mirror, computer, refrigerator,

  

  (Google Images)

  even on the dashboard of your vehicle. A few suggestions: "Rejoice always...in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Jesus Christ." (1 Thessalonians 5:16-17) "Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ". (Ephesians 5:19-20). 

How do you make God an integral part of your day?

--------------------------------------

This post is an excerpt from the book 

“Home is Where the Mom Is; A Christian Mom’s Guide to Caring for Herself, Her Family and Her Home” by Shelly Burke. 

This post is part of “Lifehacks for Christian Moms”, available for download May 1^st.

I’m also blogging the A to Z Challenge at Nebraska Family Times, with the theme, 

“Words Matter.” 

A to Z Blogging Challenge "D is for..."

...Decisions; Making Good Ones
From "Lifehacks for Christian Moms"
by Shelly Burke, RN, Author, and Editor, Nebraska Family Times

Moms face a multitude of decisions every day; some are minor (short sleeves or long sleeves?) and some are major (how should I teach my kids about sex?). There are many "experts", in the form of TV shows, friends, family, acquaintances, and sometimes strangers, specialists, books, magazines, radio talk shows...and there are as many opinions as there are experts on breast vs. bottle feeding, choosing a doctor, potty training, when to start school (private, parochial, public or homeschool?), whether or not kids need a cell phone (flip phone, regular or smart phone?) and when, how much TV is allowed, at what age dating is allowed, after-high-school plans (military, college or work?), and so on and so on and so on. With the multitude of advice, much of it based on distinctly non-Christian worldly values, it's no wonder it can be difficult to make decisions! 

Here are some steps that will help you in almost any decision you'll face. 

1. Gather information. You'll probably make your decisions based on several factors. Consider the Bible and your faith, your personal opinion and your spouse's, and what has worked for you in the past. Refer to one or two (preferably Christian) parenting books, talk with friends who share your values and pray about the situation. Don't forget to listen to your maternal instinct. After you've gathered the information you need, you can decide what's best for you and your family. Remember: very few decisions are absolutely right or wrong. 

2.  Carry out your decision. Once you and your spouse have made a decision, carry it out. Your kids not reverse a decision based on what your kids say, what your kids' friends say, what your kids' friends parents say, what your parents say, or what another "expert" says. 

probably won't like all of your decisions, but expect them to abide by those decisions. Stick to your decision unless you have a good reason to change it; do

3.  Re-evaluating your decision. If the new rule/routine isn't working after you've given it an honest effort, you decide it's the wrong decision for your family, or a respected expert expert recommends a different solution or way of dealing with a problem, you might consider changing your decision. 

A few more things to consider (or not consider): 

• What "everyone else" says. If anyone questions or criticizes your decision, simply say, "This is what works for our family," or "This is what we've decided to do" , or, "Everyone has their own solution, and we're confident about this one." Don't get caught up in a debate; you don't have to justify your decisions. 
• Have confidence in yourself. One of the most important things you can do for your kids is to have the confidence to assure their safety and teach them to be productive members of society, regardless of pressures from your kids, other kids, other kids' parents, or your fears that "the kids will be mad." 
• Practice enforcing your decisions when your kids are little. When they're young, you can back up your decisions with action, carrying a child away from a situation in which he's misbehaving, for example, or not driving them to a friend's house if you don't want your child to spend time in a dysfunctional environment. As they grow, your children will realize that you do mean what you say; while that is no guarantee that they'll always be happy with your decisions, they'll be more likely to respect what your decisions are. 

-------------------------------------

This post is an excerpt from the book “Home is Where the Mom Is; A Christian Mom’s Guide to Caring for Herself, Her Family and Her Home” by Shelly Burke. 

This post is part of “Lifehacks for Christian Moms”, available for download May 1^st.

I’m also blogging the A to Z Challenge at 

Nebraska Family Times, with the theme, "Words Matter". 

A to Z Blogging Challenge "C is for..."

...Church...Taking Your Kids
By Shelly Burke, RN, Author, and Publisher Nebraska Family Times

Our primary job as parents is to help them to know God. Jesus clearly wants children to hear His word; in Matthew 19:14  He tells His disciples, "Let the little children come to Me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven." His love for children is further evident when He says, "Truly I say unto you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven...whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea."

One of the primary ways to introduce children to faith is by taking them to church. Make a commitment to take your children to church every week, beginning when they are babies. When they grow up seeing you make worship and going to church a priority, the routine and importance of regular worship will be ingrained in their lives. Taking kids to church is not easy; when they're young the struggle may be getting them to sit still and behave appropriately. As kids get older, church competes with other activities and sometimes a negative attitude towards attending church. 

Try these "real life" tips when you attend church with your children. 

When they are babies and toddlers: 

• come prepared with quiet toys and snacks, to be used when your child is no longer interested in sitting quietly. 
• fold their hands into yours and cue him to close his eyes during

  

  From Google Images

  prayer; when praying out loud do so so your child can hear your words.
• take your child out if he is crying or babbling loud enough to disturb others. When your child is old enough to understand "it's time to be quiet", attach a consequence to having to leave church because of misbehavior. (When my kids were little, we routinely drove through the Mc Donald's drive through for a happy meal after church. If we had to take them out during the service we drove BY McDonald's, very slowly so they could see what they were missing.)

As your kids get older: 

• Explain what is happening during the service. "Listen to the choir praising God." "Now the reader is reading from the Bible. What is he saying about God?" "Now the pastor is telling us how God wants us to live."
• Make "church rules" clear. These might include, "Only whisper during church." "Let mommy listen to the pastor while you read your book." "Stand when everyone else stands."
• Some parents sit in the back of the church where the noise of kids doesn't seem so disruptive; others find their kids pay attention better when they sit in the front, where the kids can see the activity of lighting candles, people talking and moving around and so on. 
• As children get older, expect them to need fewer distractions (like books, toys and snacks) and to pay attention and participate and follow along with Bible readings. 
• Talk about church during the week. Refer to the pastor's sermon, re-read the Bible readings, or play a CD of some of the songs that were sung. 

Tips for teens: 

• Unfortunately, school,  sports and other activities take place on Sundays in many towns, and staying up late the night before may lead to struggles in getting a child to church on Sunday morning. While every family has to make its own decisions regarding priorities, please remember that a relationship with God is the most important relation anyone will have. Many churches offer Saturday, Sunday or Monday evening services, which might fit better in a busy schedule. 
• My parents had a rule that no matter how late we were out the night before, we went to church the next morning. After prom one year I slept for about an hour between the post-prom breakfast and church. I was more than ready for a nap that afternoon...and the lesson my parents instilled about the importance of church has stayed with me even more than 30 years later. 
• While attending worship is a priority, kids should also be developing a day-to-day relationship with the Lord, spending time in devotions (preferably family devotions), prayer and Bible study every day. 

From Google Images

While taking kids to church will probably seem like more trouble that it's worth some weeks (or months!). Rest assured, even when you question what your kids get out of church (or even what YOU get out of church!) your actions are having an impact. 

What's your best hint for taking kids to church? 

Special message for those whose kids are grown: Make it a point to compliment parents who bring their kids to church. To these parents, every eye is on them and judging when their kids' actions are anything less than perfect. Reassure them that you're happy to see their kids in church and that they are making a difference. They will appreciate your words! 

Special message to those who are bothered by the noise and activity of kids in church: In most churches there is an area in which parents with young kids sit, and an area in which kids usually don't sit. Choose to sit where there aren't kids. Please refrain from making any critical comments to parents whose kids are active or even loud; these parents are doing one of their most important jobs in bringing their kids to church. If you are disturbed by noise or activity, talk with an elder or the pastor, not the parents. This is not meant to sound harsh, but it is very important. I know several parents who were very hurt by comments from others, about their kids. Remember what Jesus said: "Let the little children come to Me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven."
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This post is an excerpt from the book 

“Home is Where the Mom Is; A Christian Mom’s Guide to Caring for Herself, Her Family and Her Home” by Shelly Burke. 

This post is part of “Lifehacks for Christian Moms”, available for download May 1^st. 

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I'm also blogging at Nebraska Family Times, 

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