Thursday, April 9, 2015

A to Z Blogging..."H is for..."

"...Husband Having a Bad Day and how to Support Him" 
From "Lifehacks for Christian Moms"
By Shelly Burke, RN, Author, and Publisher of the "Nebraska Family Times" newspaper

You might be able to tell from the moment he walks in the door from his slumped shoulders and subdued "Hello." Or perhaps it will come out later, when you're talking about your day. Or maybe he won't talk about it at all until you specifically ask what's wrong. Eventually, though, through subtle clues or his outright declaration, you'll discover that your husband is having a bad day. 

How can you help his mood?

  • Know your husband. He might prefer to be alone for a little while to decompress from work, or he might want to sit with you quietly. Perhaps he'll want to talk about every detail, or maybe he won't want to talk about it at all. If you're not sure what will help, ask him. "Honey, I can tell you had a bad day. Do you want to tell me about it now or do you want to talk about something else? Would you like a hug or would you rather go out in your workshop for a little while?" Invite him to talk about it later, if he wants to. Respect his way of dealing with a bad day and know it's not personal if he prefers to spend a little time alone, and/or not talk about the problem.
  • If you know he's had a stressful day, consider making his favorite meal or picking up his favorite kind of ice cream during the day. Give him a backrub. Remind him of his accomplishments. Encourage your kids to give him a big hug when he comes home. Offer to pray for him (ask him what he'd like you to pray for specifically) or with him.
  • If he is dealing with long-term stress (due to problems at
    work, conflicts with extended family members, financial issues, etc.) your support is very important. Work "behind the scenes" to make your home a haven for him. Give him a funny card. Make his favorite meals. Give him a funny card or write him a from-the-heart letter. Leave little notes where he'll find them throughout the day. Assure him of your support and love and commitment. Pray for him and tell him you are doing so. Plan a fun night out ("kidnap" him if necessary). Ask him frequently if he wants to talk about the problem, but don't insist on doing so; he might need a break. This does not mean to cater to your husband to the exclusion of your own needs, but showing him your love and support as his lifetime partner.
  • Share encouraging Bible verses. Read the verses to him or write them out and leave them where he'll see him. A few suggestions: "Be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9. "Jesus said...'I have said these things to you that you may have peace, In the world you will have tribulation, but take heart; I have overcome the world." (John 16:33). " not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Jesus Christ." Philippians 4:7. "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10. 
  • If your husband shows signs of depression (weight loss or gain, a dramatic change in eating or sleeping habits, loss of interest in usual activities, etc., or he says "I feel so depressed/down/sad", suggest he talk with a pastor or counselor. Assure him that it's not a weakness to be depressed or seek help; a few appointments can make a huge difference. 
  • Pray for him daily, whether he is having a bad day or difficult time or not. Pray for God to give him wisdom, protect his heart, to guide him to make good decisions, and that he will feel God's leading and presence and peace. 
How do you help your husband through a bad day? If you 
are a husband, what is the most important thing 
 your wife can do to help you through a bad day?

This post is an excerpt from the book “Home is Where the Mom Is; A Christian Mom’s Guide to Caring for Herself, Her Family and Her Home” 
by Shelly Burke. 
This post is part of “Lifehacks for Christian Moms”, available for download May 1st.

I’m also blogging the A to Z Challenge at, with the theme, “Words Matter.” 

1 comment:

  1. I think the best thing is start and end each day with an assurance of your love, prayer, and space! Sometimes a husband is not ready to talk about his feelings.

    I also like to leave love notes where he might not expect it.


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