A to Z Blogging Challenge "Instilling Values in Your Kids"

“Instilling Values in Your Kids”

by Shelly Burke, Author of Home is Where the Mom Is; A Christian Mom’s Guide to Caring for Herself, Her Family, and Her Home

(Excerpted from Home is Where the Mom Is. To see the Table of Contents, click on the tab at the top of the page. Home is Where the Mom Is makes the perfect Mother’s Day gift for any mom of children who are at home. See ordering information to the right.)

“Values” can be defined as “broad guidelines that can be applied to specific situations.”

When you instill positive values in your children when they are young, those values will help them make the right decisions throughout their lives. But…these values must be ingrained before difficult situations  (like receiving too much change at the store, cheating on a test, stealing, or having premarital sex or using drugs) arise and it’s all too easy to make the wrong decision—possibly with life-long consequences.

Think about your values and consider writing them out and hanging them where you and your kids can refer to them daily. The 10 Commandments will probably be included (Deut. 5:7-21) and the Fruits of the Spirit—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control—are also great guidelines. You might include honesty and generosity and anything else that fits what you want to teach your kids.

Remember that the best teacher—negative or positive—is your actions. If you curse when you’re cut off in traffic, or tell your child to lie about his age to get a cheaper movie ticket, you’re teaching a powerful negative lesson.

Point out actions that demonstrate your values: “The checkout lady gave me too much change; let’s take it back to the store because that money is not ours—it is not honest to keep it.”  “I wanted to yell at the man who cut me off, but that’s not what God wants me to do—he wants me to be patient with others.”

Include your kids in value-instilling actions: A few years ago when a neighbor’s house burned down, Morgan picked out a bag of her own clothes to give to the little girl who lost all of her clothes. For months when we walked past the house she remembered, “All of the girl’s clothes burned, so I gave her some of mine.” Say, “Let’s hold the door for the lady in the wheelchair,” and “Let’s buy some groceries and take them to the homeless shelter so people who don’t have a home can have a meal.”

When you ask about their day at school, use their account of activities to talk about positive and negative examples of values. “So the kids got caught cheating—why shouldn’t they cheat? What were their consequences? See how it’s better just to do your own work and study?”

When your child demonstrates negative or positive examples of your own values, it’s an opportunity to talk about these values. Be sure to take the time to do so, even if you’re busy or in a hurry. The “real life” examples will demonstrate values better than anything you say. As 1 John says, “Dear children, let us love not with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.” 1 John 3:18

I’m also blogging at Nebraska Family Times.

Read my post today about the “Verse of the Year” and how it helps me

when I’m discouraged. 

Family Shorthand--“How r U?”

By Shelly Burke, Author of Home is Where the Mom Is; A Christian Mom’s Guide to Caring for Herself, Her Family, and Her Home

Code words, nicknames, shorthand phrases, inside jokes that make us laugh—every family has them.

Morgan and I have tease each other with “I love you!” “Love you more!” “No, I love YOU more” “No, really, I insist, I definitely love YOU more!” and so on. She goes to school about 25 miles from home, so every day I ask her to text me that she’s arrived safely (I’ve promised that I will not ask her to do that next year when she’s in college.)

So she doesn’t have to type quite so many letters, her text reads, “Here! Luv U!” and I in turn text her back “TX! LYM!” meaning “Thanks for understanding that I need to know you’re there, for my own peace of mind” and “Love you more!” It’s a small thing, but puts a smile on my face every day. I will miss getting her texts and talking with her every day next year…but I bet when we do talk and text we’ll still share our mother/daughter shorthand.

What code words, nicknames, shorthand phrases and inside jokes does your family have? Consider writing them down so you’ll remember them in years to come. When Cody and Morgan were little, I kept a calendar on which I wrote what we did every day. I included our private jokes and code words on that calendar, and it’s fun to look back on now and laugh about.

Hve a gd dy! Gd bless u & UR fmly 2day!

I’m also blogging at Nebraska Family Times

Today my post is titled “Lifting Up in Prayer” and reflects upon

my prayer list, which has been especially long this spring.

A to Z Blogging Challenge "Time for Yourself--Finding It!"

"Time for Yourself—Finding It!"

by Shelly Burke, Author of Home is Where the Mom Is and publisher of the Nebraska Family Times

In Mark 1:35-37 the Bible recounts an episode in Jesus’ life that happens over and over in every mother’s life. Jesus had been up late the night before, driving out demons and healing the sick (substitute “bad dreams” for “demons” and it sounds like many evenings for moms!). He got up early and went to find a solitary place to pray. But Simon and his companions found Jesus and said “Everyone is looking for you!” Do you sigh when your kids or husband find your hiding place?

How can you find time by yourself, to read God’s Word, pray, exercise, or do something else that you enjoy doing?

First, you must believe that you deserve a little time to yourself. Moms spend so much time “giving” – to their kids, husband, home, church—that it can be hard to change the focus to ourselves. Jesus took time to Himself to pray, rest and be refreshed; shouldn’t we follow His example?  

Most moms find that it’s not the big crises that bring them to feelings of frustration, but the smaller, “never done” tasks and responsibilities of family and home, like laundry, cooking, answering questions, cleaning, grocery shopping…and the list goes on. Moms don’t have built in “break times” or government mandated lunch breaks, and most days keep going and going and going and going until everything is done…which so rarely happens.

Here are some hints for finding time for yourself during the different stages of motherhood:

When your kids are babies, be sure to take advantage of quiet time during nap time. Instead of trying to do the 100 things you “have” to do during his or her nap, think about what would help you the most; a quick nap to recharge your energy, taking a few minutes to just sit and read a devotion or that new magazine, or quickly get a few quick “to-do’s” done? Encourage dad to have time with baby, whether you take a hot bath, undisturbed, grocery shop by yourself, or sit at the park and read.

When your kids are toddlers, encourage naps or at least “rest time.” Explain to your kids that “mom needs some quiet time so she’s not tired later.” Provide them with books, crayons or markers, paper and other (safe, not too messy) craft items. The skill of learning to entertain themselves is an important one! Make early bedtimes a habit. If your kids aren’t ready to sleep, encourage them to read or color, just enforce the rule of “staying in your room.”

One more hint: When you notice the kids are quiet, peek in and make sure nothing is being cut, hit, flushed, or swallowed, and then go to your “quiet place” without another word. If the kids see or hear you they’re bound to need something so just stay within earshot and read the paper or do something else you enjoy, for as long as the quiet lasts. You’ll be surprised at how much better you feel after just a few minutes “off”.

When your kids are in school, it’s easier to find time for yourself, but moms are often reluctant to do so because they want to get all of their errands done before the kids get home from school. It’s important to have some of your “quiet time” during the day so that you’re relaxed and ready to spend time with your kids when they get home. During their high school years my kids would come home from school hungry and ready to talk, but the window was small; if they had their snack andwent to do chores or got involved in homework while I was finishing up a task, I’d missed my chance to find out about their day.

During empty nest years you’ll probably find that you’re as busy as you’ve always been, but instead of diapers and homework and teenager worries, you’ll be more involved in a home business, hobbies and church and volunteer work. It’s still important, however, to take quiet time to spend time with God and refresh your mind and spirit so you don’t get burned out always doing for others. Look at you schedule and include “me time” when it’s convenient for you—and then be sure to enjoy it!

(To read more about finding time for yourself and enjoying it, order Home is Where the Mom Is; A Christian Mom’s Guide to Caring for Yourself, Your Family, and Your Home. Mother’s Day is coming quickly; Home is Where the Mom Is will make the perfect gift for any mom! Click the link on the right side of this page to order.)

(I’m also blogging at Nebraska Family Times.

See my post today about “Talents and Tasks.”)

A to Z Blogging Challenge "Shamrocks and Faith"

"Shamrocks and Faith"

I bought a shamrock plant several years ago. I have a rather brown thumb so wasn’t too surprised when a few months later the individual stems and leaves began to turn brown and shrivel up. Despite my brown thumb, I really hate to throw plants away—just in case they might have a little life in them. So I continued to water my dead-looking plant and left it in the sun by my kitchen sink—just in case there was a little life left.

A few weeks later I glanced at my shamrock and was surprised to see a single green stem poking through all the dead leaves and stems. Within a few more days the pot was full of green stems and leaves again!

This pattern repeated itself several times over the last few years—the plant would go from green and full to brown and empty. The last time everything turned brown was over a month ago. When I cleaned the kitchen last week I thought about throwing the plant out—surely it wouldn’t come back after months of looking so brown. Yet I decided to give it one more chance and wait a week or two to throw it out.

Then, several days ago, it happened again—there was a tiny leaf of green sticking through the brown. Now, a few days later, the pot is almost full of those distinctive green leaves yet again.

As I was looking back at my prayer journal for this year, I realized that more than a few of my prayers were answered as I asked for them to be answered. But from the dates in the journal, I saw that I often prayed for weeks or even months—and even when my prayers were not being answered, I continued to pray and read my Bible and go to church.

And just like the shamrock plant, coming to life long after I thought it was dead, my prayers were answered as well.

As I thought about the shamrock plant, I realized that my life is sometimes like it. Even when my life—or issues in my life—seem brown, dead, and hopeless, I continue to pray to the Lord and wait for him to answer my prayers. I try to keep the faith—by reading my Bible, going to church, and partaking of Holy Communion to strengthen my faith.

I know God is always working, sometimes in the light of day, other times beneath the surface where I can’t see Him…but I continue to pray and have faith, knowing that an answer WILL shoot up.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it and it will be yours. Mark 11:24

 Dear Lord, I thank you so much that I know that I can always count on You—You will always answer my prayers. Please give me patience and faith, even when it seems there is no hope. Amen.

Due to lack of time (it’s prom night and I’m on my way

to take pictures!) I’m posting the same entry in both blogs:

www.nebraskafamilytimes.blogspot.com and www.achristianmomsguide.blogspot.com.

My other entry was going to be titled “Sunday, a Day of Rest’, and give

pointers I’ve used to make Sunday my day of rest.

That post will appear one day next week.

Have a great weekend! God’s blessings!

A to Z Blogging Challenge "Break the Shopping Rules"!

Break the Shopping Rules! 

(Excerpted from Home is Where the Mom Is; A Christian Mom’s Guide to Caring for Herself, Her Family, and Her Home. (There are TEN “shopping rules to break” in the book!) Home is Where the Mom Is makes a great Mother’s Day or baby shower gift! See ordering information in the column to the right.)

Several years ago I decided to start using all of the “shopping rules” I’d read and heard. It seemed so easy! I would only spend $100 on groceries every month and get lots of free things.  I’d clip and use coupons for every single item I bought. I would save soooooo much money! And I’d take my kids along on every trip and teach them all of the shopping rules, too!

Or so I thought.

After several months (and many hours)  of diligently studying sale ads, keeping track of prices, clipping coupons and printing coupons from the computer and following all of the rules…I always seemed to be one coupon short of that really great deal.

My kids became impatient after an hour or so of shopping, especially when it took so much time to match the coupons with the great deals. Many times I either gave up on the coupons or promised them extra snacks if they’d be patient, negating the money I’d “saved.”

I decided to “break the shopping rules”—or at least bend them so they’d better suit my life. My shopping trips immediately became more productive and shorter and less stressful.

Here are the shopping rules I love to break—or at least bend.

Rule One: Shopping is an educational experience for the kids, so take them along to match coupons to items, practice their math, and help you find things. How to break it: Don’t take the kids! Shop while they’re at school or when you can get a babysitter or when dad is home. You’ll save money (no little voices begging for treats and distracting you from comparing prices), have a little quiet time, and get done much faster.

Rule Two: Arrange your list according to how the store is set up. How to bend it: Also list the meals you’re planning to prepare. By doing this you’ll know how much of a particular item you need, and if you can substitute another item if necessary. For example, one day there was only one green pepper in the bin. Chili was on my meal list, and one pepper was enough to flavor it. If I’d have been making stuffed peppers I would have known to change my meal plan. If taking kids is unavoidable, bend the rule in a different way. Review your list so you know which items you need the most. That way if your child throws up, or throws a tantrum, you can quickly gather the most important items and make a quick getaway.

Rule Three: Buy only what’s on your list. How to bend it: If there’s a great deal on something—pork chops for example—add them to your meal list (if you’ve been following the hints to “Never Run Out” you should have the rest of the ingredients for your favorite pork chop recipe at home already) or take them home to freeze.

Rule Four: Don’t buy high-priced items like baby carrots, boneless, skinless chicken breasts and so on. How to break it: Before you pass up these items, remember that they require little or no preparation to make into a snack or meal. There’s also no waste—how often have you thrown away a mushy head of lettuce before you got it cleaned and chopped? The higher price might be worth the convenience, and these items often go on special.

Rule Five: Use as many coupons as possible. How to bend it: Use coupons wisely. Before you use a coupon for an item, consider; can you make the item from scratch for less? Would a (cheaper) store brand work as well? Do you really need or want the item, or do you just want to use the coupon? I find it frustrating to try to clip “all” of the coupons. I have pantry full of necessities and so therefore rarely buy anything that’s not on sale; I’ve found I save as much or more when buying on sale, and spend less time than I would clipping coupons. Note: There are just two grocery stores in our town, and they are very competitive but never offer double or triple coupons. I realize your situation might be different, and coupons may be a huge money saver for you!

Use these rules and other tips and suggestions you find online and in magazines as guidelines. Bend them, break them, throw them out completely—make “the shopping rules” work for you!

I’m also blogging at Nebraska Family Times.

The post for today is “Are you a Radio Skipper?” Find out what

radio skipping has to do with Bible study. 

A to Z Blogging Challenge "Some Days I just want to Quit"

Some Days I just want to Quit

The coffee cup sticky note with
Col. 3:23-24 written on it.
I also keep notes my kids write
me and one of my favorite
pictures of Morgan on my
bulletin board. 

Sometimes I just want to quit.

I can keep up (for the most part) with the laundry and cooking and dishes, but it’s the added stresses that almost do me in some days.

The troubled relationships. The money worries. Wondering what’s going to happen in a week, in a month, in a year. The list of sick friends and relatives that just keeps getting longer and longer. Troubled friends. Families mourning the loss of a loved one. The list of things I want to do…and the list of things I actually get done. The things that just seem to take so much longer than they should.

When I become overwhelmed I try to remember to look at my bulletin board, on which I have a sticky note in the shape of a coffee cup. When I helped with a women’s retreat last year the leader asked me to write encouraging verses on the coffee sticky notes (the theme of the retreat was “My Overflowing Cup” so everything was coffee-themed) We placed the sticky notes around the rooms that the retreat took place in so others could see them and be encouraged.

The sticky note on my bulletin board reminds me, “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.” Colossians 3:23-24

Then I remember—I’m not here on earth for myself; I’m here to do the Lord’s work. I need to let Him take care of everything else (especially the things I can’t do anything about…like most of them). He knows about my troubled relationships. He knows about our money worries. He hears my prayers. He knows every single one of the people who are ill, or mourning, or suffering in any way. He knows every single need I have, and every need of every member of my family.

My job is to work for Him. The day will come when I receive my inheritance from Him, and none of the stresses and strains and worries on earth will matter one little bit. And the time I spend wanting to quit will be a millisecond compared to living in heaven with Him for all eternity.

Suddenly, I don’t want to quit any more.

Thank You, Lord, for reminding me that what I do isn’t for me, but for you. Please bless me as I work today. Please lead and guide me in my work for You. Amen.  

I'm also blogging at Nebraska Family Times 

Click over there to see what I have to finish 

for the May issue of the Nebraska Family Times

in the post "Not Quite Done."

A to Z Blogging Challenge "Prepare for Sick Days"

“Prepare for Sick Days”

by Shelly Burke

(This article is adapted from the book Home is Where the Mom Is;

 A Christian Mom's Guide to Caring for Herself, Her Family, and Her Home by Shelly Burke)

Running out of “sick day” supplies usually means a very inconvenient trip to the store with sick kids, or just as bad, a sick mom. Illnesses rarely come at convenient times, and your first prayer is probably for Jesus to come and heal whoever is sick!

Start your own preparation for sick days, today. Begin by making a comprehensive list of “sick day” supplies for both adults and children in your home.

Your list should include:

• Over-the-counter medications to treat fever, pain, upset stomach, diarrhea, constipation, cold symptoms, cough, nausea and vomiting, diaper rash, and so on, in age-appropriate form (drops, liquid, chewable, tablets) for ever member of your family.
• Keep in mind that some of these symptoms—cough, fever, etc.—may be the body’s way of getting rid of harmful substances, and you shouldn’t always treat them. Ask your doctor or a nurse for guidelines as when to treat them.
• Learn to read labels. May medications contain several ingredients; for example, cold medications may also contain acetaminophen (for fever or pain). If you give additional acetaminophen along with the cold medicine, you may be giving too much acetaminophen, which can be very dangerous. 

o       Medications to treat any chronic illness like asthma or diabetes. When a child      or adult with a chronic illness is sick, the dosage of medicine to treat the chronic illness might need to be changed. Check with your doctor if you have questions about doing so.

o       If your child gets frequent ear infections, ask the doctor to prescribe a bottle of pain killing ear drops which will help until you can get the child to the doctor. The drops will not treat the infection, only the pain, so it is still necessary to see the doctor.

o       Electrolyte replacement fluid/popsicles (like Pedialyte) for infants or toddlers who have diarrhea and/or are vomiting.

o       Soda and/or juice to sooth upset tummies and replace fluids lost by vomiting/diarrhea.

o       Miscellaneous supplies: Thermometer and probe covers, humidifier and distilled water, tissues.

o       Comfort foods like soup, mashed potatoes, rice, applesauce, jello, pudding, popsicles.

o       Activities to keep kids occupied when they’re on the road to wellness but bored, and to keep them busy if you are sick. When they’re on sale purchase coloring and activity books, DVDs, crayons, markers, craft projects, and so on. Keep these hidden until they’re needed!

o       If your mother’s instinct tells you your kids are on the verge of getting sick, or a virus is running      rampant at school, double check your supplies and stock up if necessary.

This list is just a basic suggested list. Personalize it to fit your family. Illnesses usually don’t occur at predictable times or when it’s convenient to go to the store for supplies. Stock up, using the tips in the post  Never Run Out and you’ll be ready for anything!

  

I’m also blogging at Nebraska Family Times.

Today’s post is titled “Peace” and is about David finding peace despite

the turmoil in his life.