How to have a parenting “do-over”

By Jill Savage

I remember when Mark and I took a parenting class and learned about expecting first time obedience from our kids. Our habit, up to that point, had been to count to three, or to threaten, or to get angry.

Now we had a different vision for our family and for discipline in our home. But how do you change mid-stream? How do you handle a change in expectations, discipline, or how you will handle things?

Mark and I have had to do this over the years when we’ve realized that we’ve either allowed something we shouldn’t, or haven’t parented well or consistently. We call a family meeting and talk to the kids about what we’ve realized or what we’re learning. We apologize for not being consistent or not handling certain situations well. And we set a new standard on how we as a family are going to act, behave, or handle situations in the future. We have found that this is a respectful way to change the direction the family is headed in and our kids have responded relatively well to it.

If you find yourself needing a parenting “do-over,” consider these strategies:

1) Tell your child/children of the upcoming change. One mom had allowed her daughter to sleep in her bed with her. When she realized this wasn’t healthy for her daughter or her marriage, she sat her daughter down and explained that “beginning tomorrow night, you will sleep in your own bed.” This gave her daughter a heads up and a time of adjustment.

2) Apologize to your kids, if needed. An apology isn’t a sign of weakness…in the parenting realm it’s a sign of strength. Your kids will understand that you make mistakes and that you know what to do to clean up your mistakes. When we sat down and explained to our kids about first time obedience, we apologized for not holding them to a higher standard that would serve them well in life (what boss wants to tell his employee to do something three times?)

3) Train to the new expectation. If your kids are old enough, do some role-playing to train them to the new standard. When we were teaching first time obedience, we did some pretending. I told them we were going to practice first time obedience with a happy response. I said, “In a minute, I’m going to ask you to bring me a specific toy. When I ask I want you to say ‘Yes mom!’ and bring it to me.” Then we made it into a game. We played that game for several days.

4) Give a grace period. When we introduced first-time obedience, we trained for several days and then we began our grace period. It was one week of having the new expectation in place, but if they responded inappropriately, they were reminded of the standard and told that after the grace week, they would receive a consequence for that kind of a response.

5) Be willing to be the parent. The standard is set, the training done, and the practice time is over. Now it’s time to stand firm on your new direction. Most parents find if they are consistent with communication, expectations, and accountability, they are able to move in the direction they desire to go.

If you’re dealing with teens, you probably won’t need the training, but the communication, grace period, and consistent accountability will do the trick.

Reprinted with permission. Jill Savage (www.jillsavage.org) is the founder and Executive Director of Hearts at Home (www.o hearts-at-home.org), an organization that encourages, educates, and equips every mom in every season of motherhood. She is the author of seven books including Professionalizing Motherhood, Real Moms…Real Jesus, My Heart’s at Home, and her newest release, Living with Less So Your Family Has More. Jill and her husband, Mark, have five children and make their home in Central Illinois. ---------------------------
See this article and more like it in the November issue of the Nebraska Family Times! The mission of the Nebraska Family Times is to "inspire, encourage, and motivate you in you Christian walk". If you would like to receive positive, encouraging articles and news from a Christian point of view, subscribe now! You'll be entered to win Christian books and CD's and a final drawing for a Nook or Kindle e-reader! Go to http://nebraskafamilytimes.blogspot.com/p/give-gift-of-good-news-that-gives-all.html for more information.

Prepare for Sick Days
by Shelly Burke

(Adapted from Home is Where the Mom Is; A Christian Mom’s Guide to Caring for Herself, Her Family, and Her Home.)

It’s that time of year sniffles, sneezes, and stomach aches will be sneaking up on you and your family. Developing a strategy for sick days—especially if your children are young—is essential for moms!

I have a friend whose young children became sick when her husband was out of town. Two-year-old Lila’s diarrhea was relentless, and by late afternoon Sindy realized she’d have to go out to get more diapers. She carefully made a list, anticipating what they would need for a few days. As soon as they got in the store, however, Brett, Lila’s 10 month old brother, began vomiting. Sindy sped through the store, getting just a few essentials; she would ask her husband to get the rest of the supplies on his way home from the airport the next morning. However, fate struck again when his plane was delayed…and Sindy herself felt stomach rumblings. Thankfully Bobby’s plane arrived just a few hours late and he quickly returned home and rescued Sindy and his family.

To Sindy this was a landmark event: she was determined never to be unprepared for sickness again.

Start YOUR preparation for sick days, today! Begin by making a comprehensive list of “sick day” supplies, for the kids and the adults in your family. Purchase the most important items ASAP; when other items are on sale, stock up. Your list should include:

• Medications to treat fever, pain, nausea, constipation, diarrhea, cold/sinus symptoms, diaper rash, cough, and so on, in age-appropriate form (drops, liquid, chewable, tablets) for every member of your family. (Later this week I’ll post medication cautions and how to choose and when to give medications.)
• Medications to treat chronic illnesses like asthma or diabetes. Sickness can change the amount or timing of medications that are taken to treat chronic conditions, so be sure to talk with your doctor if you have any questions about doing so.
• If you or your child have frequent ear infections, ask the doctor to prescribe numbing drops that will decrease the pain. These can be a lifesaver, easing pain until you can get in to see the doctor. These drops do not treat the infection, so you’ll still have to make an appointment for you or your child to be seen and perhaps get antibiotics.
• Electrolyte replacement fluid or popsicles for infants/toddlers who are vomiting and/or have diarrhea.
• Soda/juice, etc. to sooth upset tummies and replace fluids.
• Comfort foods—soup, mashed potatoes, rice, applesauce, pudding, jello, etc.
• Thermometer and probe covers, humidifier and distilled water, and tissues.
• Activities to keep kids occupied when they’re on the road to wellness but bored…or when you are sick and need some quiet time. When they’re on sale, purchase age-appropriate things like crayons or markers and paper, DVD’s, stickers, books, stickers, simple craft projects, etc. The secret—keep these things hidden until they’re needed!
• When your “mother’s instinct” kicks in and you feel illness lurking, or if your kids come home reporting how many kids got sick at school and went home, check your supplies and stock up where necessary!

Start preparing for sick days, today! You’ll be glad you did.

(adapted from Home is Where the Mom Is; A Christian Mom's Guide to Caring for Herself, Her Family, and Her Home. Check out the complete Table Of Contents by clicking on the tab; purchase Home is Where the Mom Is by clicking on the button on the right hand side of the page.)

Start Planning for Christmas!

by Shelly Burke, Editor

[NFT] When you plan ahead for Christmas gifts you’ll be able to enjoy creating the gifts, decrease your stress in getting projects completed, and ease your budget by spreading out expenditures. Here are several ideas for gifts, along with ways to start planning now.

1. Pesto, salsa and other garden treats. If you have an abundance of tomatoes, zucchini, cucumbers, herbs, or other garden products, consider making gifts of salsa, pickles, pickled veggies, pesto, and so on. These items can be frozen or preserved through canning. Collect recipes from the internet or cookbooks and prepare the treats now! Use fancy labels or fabric covers and you won’t even have to wrap your gifts.
2. Baked items. Consider baking biscotti, truffles, candy, fancy cookies, and other baked goods as gifts. They’ll always fit and are never the wrong color. Start collecting recipes from the internet or cookbooks; your local library will have a large selection of specialty cookbooks if you don’t find the recipes you want in your cook books. If you enjoy baking, try some new recipes! Once you’ve collected the recipes, make a master list of ingredients. Purchase several every time you go to the grocery store, and watch for sales to spread out the cost of “fancy” ingredients.
3. Make photos into lasting gifts. Collages, photo books, posters, mugs, coasters, mouse pads, ornaments, key chains and refrigerator magnets are just a few of the many things you can create with your favorite photos. Depending on your level of craftiness you can purchase supplies at a craft store or with just a few clicks, order online. Online photo stores and craft stores have weekly sales, so make your list and order or purchase supplies when they’re on sale.
4. Theme baskets. Create a basket according to the recipient’s interests or hobbies or needs. A college student will love a selection of snacks. A busy mom might enjoy a “taking care of mom” basket with soft socks, a good book, and a selection of chocolate and bubble bath. A scrapbooker will enjoy scrapbook tools or supplies. Plan baskets now so you can purchase supplies when they’re on sale. Remember to check the clearance aisle in any store—I’ve bought fancy chocolate and scrapbooking tools on clearance in an office supply store!

This article appeared in the October issue of the Nebraska Family Times. For a FREE sample issue of the Nebraska Family Times e-mail me at shelly@shellyburke.net or call (402) 993-2467.

I love to read, and I love to write about books I read. I recently read She Makes it Look Easy and reviewed it for the Nebraska Family Times newspaper. I wanted to share the review with you. If you have books you'd like to suggest for review, or if you've written a review of a Christian book, please share it with me at shelly@shellyburke.net.   She Makes it Look Easy      By Marybeth Whalen Review by Shelly Burke, Editor and Publisher She Makes it Look Easy is not a typical “everything-works-out-perfectly-in-the-end” Christian novel. The book delves into the lives of three families and the impacts of the choices husbands and wives make. You might find yourself shocked to find that some of the outwardly “perfect” Christian characters make very bad choices…and you might find yourself closely identifying with several of the characters as well. I was immediately drawn into the lives of the characters in She Makes it Look Easy. The story is told from the alternating views of the central characters, Justine and Ariel. Justine Miller makes it all look “easy” with her perfectly clean home, perfectly groomed children, and perfectly organized life. Under the “perfect,” however, are dark motives and desires. Ariel Baxter’s family is “moving on up” when they move into Essex Falls, an upscale neighborhood. Justine quickly introduces herself to her new neighbor Ariel and offers to help Ariel organize her life. Soon, however, Ariel suspects that Justine has motives beyond helping a new friend. When she delves deeper into Justine’s actions she discovers a secret that Justine has been keeping. Justine and Ariel both face difficult choices, and you’ll be wondering until the final chapter if they’ll do the right thing. She Makes it Look Easy reminded me of several things; first of all, when I find myself too eager to please someone who makes me feel bad about myself, that person is not a friend. Second, I was reminded not to judge people who seem to “have it all together;” they might be hiding a secret, or they might need a friend. And third, no matter how much I want to be a friend, there are times that doing the right thing is more important than a not-so-true friendship. Even if you usually don’t enjoy fiction, I encourage you to read She Makes it Look Easy. To order go to Proverbs 31 Ministries. To read more by Marybeth Whalen go to http://www.marybethwhalen.com/.

Sunrises

I love sunrises, and fall is a time for especially beautiful sunrises in our part of Nebraska. I've taken pictures of several sunrises over the last few weeks. I can never remember which setting on my camera takes the best early-morning scenery pictures, so I end up taking quite a few pictures, using different settings, over the time period of 10 or 15 minutes or so.

When I'm looking at the sunrises in "real life" and when I look at the pictures on my computer I always have the same thought--what a great God we have, to have created such beauty solely for our enjoyment. He could have made every sunrise exactly the same, but He did not. Some mornings there are clouds...some mornings are perfectly clear...on some mornings there is a veil of mist over the fields. I have taken hundreds of pictures of sunrises during the 6 1/2 years we've lived in the country, and I am still amazed at how different the sunrises are from day to day, and even minute to minute.

Recently in my Bible study I've been reading a Psalm each morning. The following verses fit the beauty of His sunrises.

"Light dawns in the darkness for the upright; He is gracious, merciful, and righteous." Psalm 122:4

When our days are dark because of circumstance, we can always be confident that "light will dawn," both literally and figuratively. Just as the sun comes up every morning and brightens the world, the Son  brightens our world through His love and grace and mercy. Just as the sun is there even when we cannot see it, the Son is also there. Even if we cannot see Him or we feel far away from Him, we can be confident that He cares for us, He listens to our prayers, and He is aware of everything that is going on in our lives.

 The other verse that inspired me; "From the rising of the sun to its setting, the name of the Lord is to be praised!"

When I watch a beautiful sunrise, I can't help but praise the Lord! I praise Him for giving us such beauty in our world, I praise Him that I am able to see and enjoy the sunrise and I praise Him for His gift to us that makes all other gifts pale: the gift of His Son and our salvation.

May you find joy in sunrises, and in the Son.

Would you Like to Become "More than a Good Bible Study Girl?"

I read this book several months ago and loved it! It encouraged me to make God and Bible study more than just another "to-do" on my list. I reviewed Becoming More than a Good Bible Study Girl in the September issue of the Nebraksa Family Times and was so inspired and encouraged by the book that I wanted to share the review here, with you. I hope you enjoy it! (And if you decide to order More than a Good Bible Study Girl, please consider ordering through Proverbs 31 ministries; it's a little more expensive than ordering through a "big" e-bookstore, but you'll be supporting the Proverbs 31 Ministries). 
-------------------------------------------------------------

Becoming More than a Good Bible Study Girl

By Lysa TerKeurst

Review by Shelly Burke, Editor

Lysa TerKeurst had a difficult childhood and a legalistic view of God, believing that if she did the “right” things, He in turn would give her what she wanted. All of that ended the day her baby sister died and Lysa completely turned away from God.

Several years later she was led back to Jesus by a verse a friend had written in a card, and started to seek inner peace through Him. In Becoming More than a Good Bible Study Girl Lysa shares her struggles and the truths she found. Lysa says the message she wants to share is, “to help women not only know God’s truth but also feel equipped to live it out in their everyday lives.”

Lysa addresses six areas in which we can become “more than a good Bible study girl;”

• In My Heart
• In My Walk with God
• In My Relationships
• In My Struggles
• In My Thoughts
• In My Calling

In each area she shows how we can develop a deeper relationship with God. Lysa covers personal, sensitive topics; chapter titles include “When I  Feel Like I Don’t Measure Up,” “When God Hurts My Feelings” and “What Do I Do When I Don’t Feel God?”

                                                   

Lysa lets readers know that it’s OK to struggle with devotion time, become disappointed when we don’t get the opportunities that we seek, and struggle with the “uglies” (times in life when things don’t go as they should and we feel ugly). She addresses real-life situations that include dealing with gossip, changing a bad attitude, and defeating satan’s attempts to make us feel inadequate. She assures us that we are not the only ones who feel this way, and then gives practical advice for finding Biblical truths and living them out in our daily lives.

Lysa writes to new Christians as well as those who have been believers for a long time, and every reader will benefit from her suggestions for studying the Bible in a way that will make it come alive

I found myself taking pages of notes and writing down Bible references as I read Becoming More than a Good Bible Study Girl. I was able to immediately put her suggestions to use, and was especially uplifted by her encouraging words for times when things just don’t go our way. One of the most reassuring things I learned was that not getting opportunities when I want them is not God’s way of keeping me from my calling, but instead His way of preparing me for opportunities.

Becoming More than a Good Bible Study Girl is a book I will refer to often, and I recommend it to anyone who seeks a deeper relationship with God and wants to live His truths in their daily life.

---------------------------- 

Lysa TerKeurst is the president of Proverbs 31 Ministries. Go to http://www.proverbs31.org/ to order Becoming More than a Good Bible Study Girl and for many more resources and links to blogs and devotions of other women who are a part of Proverbs 31 Ministries.

Why You Should Hang Up Your Robe
by Glynnis Whitwer

(Editor's Note: This article really hit home with me; I have a bad habit of not quite finishing what I started. Reading this article helped me to realize the importance of finishing what I start, even with such seemingly minor tasks as hanging up my robe. Thanks, Glynnis, for your wise words!)

“However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me…” Acts 20:24 (NIV)

My first instinct was to leave the clean, folded clothes on top of the dresser. Granted, my arms were filled with freshly laundered items...

 

To read the rest of the article, go to http://www.nebraskafamilytimes.blogspot.com/ . Check out more by Glynnis Whitwer at http://www.glynniswhitwer.com/.